Page 189 of The Armor of Light
He was too bemused to make any answer.
She said: ‘But you have to see the whole thing to judge.’ She reached behind her and began unbuttoning her dress. ‘I want your honest opinion,’ she said. He knew this was nonsense, but he could not tear his gaze away. There were many buttons but she undid them quickly, and he wondered whether she had planned this moment and chosen a dress that was easy to take off. In no time the whole thing fell to the floor in a tumble of pale-grey silk. Beneath it was a petticoat with a boned bodice. She undid the bodice then pulled the garment over her head with a swift movement. Wearing nothing but her stockings, she put her hands on her hips and said: ‘Well, which part do you like best?’
‘Everything,’ he said hoarsely.
She knelt on the sofa, straddling him, and unbuttoned his breeches as rapidly as she had her dress.
He said: ‘Do you realize I have no experience of this kind of thing?’
‘I don’t have much experience, despite nine years of marriage,’ she said, but there was nothing clumsy about the confident way she grasped his penis, lifted her hips, slid it inside her and sank down with a pleased sigh.
Amos was overwhelmed with love and delight. He knew he was doing wrong but he was no longer able to care. He also knew that Jane did not love him, at least not in the way he loved her, but even that could not diminish his joy. He stared at her breasts as they danced so prettily in front of his face. She said: ‘You can kiss them if you like,’ and he did, again and again.
It ended too soon. He was caught by surprise. One spasm after another shook him, and he heard Jane moan and felt her lean forward and press her body against his; and then it was over, and they both slumped, panting.
‘We didn’t kiss,’ he said when he had caught his breath.
‘We can now,’ she said, and they did, for long, happy minutes. Then they fell apart and she lay across his knees, face up. He feasted his eyes on her body. He said: ‘May I touch you?’
‘You can do anything you like.’
A few minutes later the clock on the mantelpiece struck ten, and she stood up.
Facing him, she stepped into her shoes. She bent and picked up her petticoat, then she hesitated. ‘You’re the second man who’s seen me naked, but the first who has looked at me that way,’ she said.
‘What way?’
She thought for a moment. ‘Like Ali Baba in the cave, gazing at unimaginable treasure.’
‘That’s exactly what I’m doing, gazing at unimaginable treasure.’
‘You’re very sweet.’ She dropped the garment over her head andstraightened it, then put on her dress, reaching behind her back to button it.
When she was dressed she stood looking at him with an expression he could not read. She was in the grip of an emotion he could not identify. After a pause she said: ‘Oh, goodness, I did it. I really did it.’
Her devil-may-care attitude had been an act, he realized. This had been a life-changing moment for her as well as for him – though not in the same way. He was baffled, but happy.
The moment passed and she said: ‘Would you get my coat and hat?’
He buttoned his breeches and fetched her outdoor clothes. While she put them on, he got his own coat and hat. ‘I’ll walk you home.’
‘Thank you, but let’s avoid talking to anyone on the way. I haven’t got the energy to dream up a plausible lie about where we’ve been.’
There were not many people on the street, and they were all hurrying through the rain as fast as they could. No one made eye contact with Amos.
She opened the front door of Willard House with a key. ‘Goodnight, Mr Dangerfield,’ she said. ‘Thank you for seeing me home.’
Mr Dangerfield, he thought. She had altered his name at the last moment, and the word that had come into her head had been ‘danger’. It was not surprising.
Walking away, he thought about all the questions he should have asked her. When would they meet again? Had this been a one-off thing or did she intend a relationship? If so, what kind? Would she leave her husband?
He reached home and stepped through the front door into the shop. That made him remember his first sight of her this evening, soaking wet and miserable. He relived their conversation. He went to the kitchen and saw her taking off her coat and hat and throwing them on a chair. He sat on the bench and pictured her opposite, drinking soup with a spoon and tearing a slice of bread, then bitingoff a morsel of cheese with her white teeth. He went to the drawing room, where the fire was dying, and sat on the sofa and felt again the weight of her head on his thigh, and the pressure of her lips as she kissed his penis through the wool cloth of his breeches. Then, best of all, he saw her standing in front of him wearing only those knee-length stockings held up by ribbons.
Then, at last, he forced himself to ask the question: What did it mean?
For him it had been an earthquake. For her it had been something less, but still disorienting. But she had planned it. Why? What did she want?
Forcing himself to be realistic, he felt sure she would not leave her husband. Divorce was so difficult as to be virtually impossible. If she lived with Amos in sin his business would be boycotted by all respectable people, which meant all customers, and poverty was something Jane could not tolerate. Did she mean them to run away together, and start a new life under different names somewhere else, perhaps even in another country? That could be done. He might be able to sell his Kingsbridge business for cash and start a new enterprise elsewhere. However, he knew right away that Jane would never agree to something that offered hardship and risk.
