Page 103 of Full Tilt
But under the adrenaline, there’s this dull tug of sadness. I keep thinking about Lachie.
He should be here.
I can almost picture the way he’d be yelling for me across the pitch, calling me out on my positioning or barking reminders from the sideline while stuffing his face with a hot dog. He’d have loved this—mixing with the Americans, cracking jokes about the accents, and calling the Jacksonville captain “mate” until the poor guy started saying it unironically.
I shake off the thought. It’s nearly midnight back home, so Lachie’s probably fast asleep. Or not. Who knows. I’ll shoot him a message later, send over a few pics and let him know how it all went. He’ll want the play-by-play whether he admits it or not.
Jay’s comment in the group chat lingers too. A panel next week? It sounds like a good opportunity—and I know what it means to show up publicly. Still, I’m cautious. I haven’t said yes yet. I’ll reach out to my agent later, see what the logistics are. Tomorrow I’ve got a full day off, and I already plan to spend it with Brent and his family. The day after that, there’s training in the morning, but I’m holding the afternoon sacred—for Brent.
Because fuck if I’m not making the most of every minute with him.
As I’m about to put down my phone, I notice a new chat from Jay—not the group chat, but a private message.
Jay:
So, this isn’t public, but I’ll be there next week as a guest. Thought it might be cool if you came to the panel too—my boyfriend’s actually one of the speakers.
My eyes widen. Jay? With a boyfriend? He’s barely said a word in the group all year, and definitely never dropped that info.
Me:
That’s awesome. So, you’re seeing someone…
Jay:
Yeah. For a while now. Not public, though. Like, I trust the group, but he’s not even in it. Just a few close friends know.
Me:
Totally get it. I won’t say anything. What’s the panel?
Jay:
LGBTQ+ visibility in men’s sports. Next Thursday. We’re doing it at a youth centre near Atlanta. Wasn’t sure if you were still in the States until Cosmo’s big future-brother-in-law announcement
Me:
Lol. Yeah, I’ll be here. Heading to Tallahassee next week, but not until Friday.
Jay:
That should work out. Would seriously mean a lot if you came. You and others like you are kinda the reason I stayed in sports, you know? Back when you came out—seeing that… it mattered.
I freeze. The words hit hard. I don’t even know what to say to that. Warmth floods my chest. It’s a strange kind of gratitude, the kind that humbles you.
Me:
Shit, Jay. That’s… wow. Thank you. I’ll be there. No way I’m missing it.
Jay:
Appreciate you, man. Really. Sorry I don’t talk much in the chat—I barely remember being added. But watching you, what you’ve done… it’s meant more than I’ve ever said. Also, I showed my boyfriend your speech from last year’s equality dinner. He cried.
I snort softly, shoulders hunching with a weird mix of pride and embarrassment.
Me:
Glad it hit home. If I can make just one person feel less alone, that’s the goal, yeah?
