Page 114 of Wilde's End
I look up sharply, breath hissing between my teeth at a name I haven’t heard in forever. It grates at my heart, and I want to demand he take it back, but Rooney’s gaze is unflinching.
“You’re already hurting. I don’t think you’ve ever stopped. Maybe, this once, you stop running from it.”
“How do you know that name?”
“I know everything. I saw all the articles when it happened, but I never mentioned it because how do you bring up something like that?”
“You know who I am?” My throat is trying to close over.
“The whole time.” He looks uneasy as he stuffs his hands in his pockets. “It wasn’t my business. We don’t ask. But I’m saying that Idoknow you, and I know you can do this.”
“I can’t promise him anything.”
“Then don’t. Promises are stupid anyway. All you’re looking for right now is where you two begin. The rest can happen when it happens.”
“The rest can happen …” I think I’m more saying it to convince myself than anything. I’m getting so caught in by all these next steps when he’s right. Promising forever isn’t for me. It’s not for Hudson either.
I want to treat him right, so will that be enough for me to actually do it? It’s too early to tell. Just like it’s too early to tell whether we’ll ever get through our countless other obstacles. But damn I want totry.
Rooney nods at something in my expression. “That’s right, Wilde. You’ve got this.”
I really, actually don’t think that I do. It’s this needling in the back of my mind, reminding me of Old End and Hudson’s short temper. Of my demons and refusal to feel.
We’re both untethered weights, but maybe we can help each other not to sink completely.
I stride toward my truck, determined to do it now before this courage deserts me. The whole drive, it’s like I’m rattling out of my skin, and that’s almost enough reason for me to head home instead. I don’t like this uncertainty. I don’t like the way it rips me from the mundane hum and launches me into overdrive, like I’m facing down with a mountain lion instead of Hudson.
The mountain lion would probably be easier though. They scare in a way I’ve never been able to scare Hudson before.
Old End appears way too soon, and I almost forget to hit the brakes. The urge to keep driving, long and far, is tempting, and the sickening knot in my gut is almost too much for me. I pull up in front of the house they’ve been working on, the one where my blood still stains the cement out the front, and I suck down a deep breath before popping open my door.
I climb out as Kennedy and Hartwell get to the front door.
I don’t bother with hellos.
“Need to talk to Hudson.”
Hartwell crosses his arms. “Good luck with that.”
“Just tell him I need a minute.”
“He’s not here,” Kennedy cuts in.
I glance toward where the car normally sits. “When will he be back?”
“Probably never.” Kennedy narrows his eyes. “At least that’s what he said.”
The blood feels like it gurgles from my body. “What?”
“Apparently, you and Kenny made him angry,” Hart adds. “Nice for it not to be me for a change.”
“That wasn’t the point!” Kennedy snaps.
“Still happened.”
I cut in before they can go back and forth. “Where can I find him?”
Kennedy sets a heartbreaking look on me. “Probably with Sutton.”
