Page 115 of Wilde's End
That name rings in my ears. “Sutton?”
“I think he’s trying to prove a point.”
“I need an address. Now.”
Hartwell disappears back inside, but Kennedy shakes his head.
“It’s too late. He would have been home for hours by now.”
“Does it look like I care? I don’t know if I deserve Hudson, but I know that asshole sure as fuck doesn’t. If I have to drag him off your brother myself, then I will.” I’ll snap his fucking dick off if it’s gone anywhere near Hudson because this bloody rushing, heart-poundingfearisn’t something I’ve ever experienced before.
All because I couldn’t answer his goddamn question.
Hart rejoins us and jogs down the short steps to hand me a piece of paper. “His address.”
“Thanks.”
“Can we …” Kennedy takes a step forward. “Can we come with you? I hate the way we left things.”
I glance between their near identical faces, tempted but unmoved.
“No.”
Then I climb back into my truck and gun the engine, trying to hold tight against this sickening pit gnawing deeper into my gut.
This is between me and Hudson.
If I have my way, they can sort things out when webothget back.
CHAPTER
FORTY-ONE
HUDSON
I’m not sure when my mind went numb, but I wish the rest of my body would follow its lead. There’s this deep ache in my chest like my heart is eating itself, and I’m not sure if it’s Wilde-related or because of my brothers, but at least if it’s cannibalized, it will stop fucking hurting.
Yesterday, it felt as though my life had found a track again. That constant anxiety of being lost was missing, and for once, when I looked forward, it wasn’t an exhausting fight ahead.
Now, I’m slumped on my couch, phone frozen in my hand with Sutton’s name taunting me from the screen. There is only so much I can take. I’m not a strong guy, and after everything that happened with Wilde, I’m not so sure I want to be.
It would be so easy to unblock Sutton. To call him and tell him I’m home so he can come over here and make me forget this deep ache for a while. I’d have to deal with his snide comments and pointing out that my plans failed like he said they would, but it would be worth it. I need to not feel for a minute.
The one flicker of hope I have left acknowledges that even with this shitstorm I’ve stumbled into, I have no desire to visit Mom. No interest in weaseling away a few pills or hunting down something stronger. I’m struggling to remember why it felt so big and important before I left, and the only explanation I can come back with was that it felt easy.
An easy escape.
But now, the only escape I want is overgrown trails and green trees and the deep sweat that fills my pores after a day of hard work. The pelt of an afternoon storm. A rocky shoreline against my naked back.
I sigh and drop my phone, rubbing the dusty feeling from my eyes. There’s nothing left for me back there. What I thought was starting with Wilde was all in my head, and any hopes I had for making things right with my brothers were misplaced. We’re too dysfunctional. Too messed up by our pasts to move on to something better.
Did I really call Kenny aloser? Am I five?
God, the way that memory prickles at my eyes almost has me lose it again. I thought I was the stable one, but turns out I’m the problem.
Maybe Kennedy and Hartwell will have a better time up there without me, and at least if I’m back running our business, then I’m still contributing. In my own small way.
My apartment is exactly the way I left it. Kennedy and Hart’s lease was up before we moved, but we agreed to keep paying for this place to have somewhere to stay when we came home.
