Page 29 of Soft Tissue Damage
“It’s private,” he mutters.
I narrow my eyes, suspicion swirling through me. I can ignore my feelings for Elena as long as I know no one else is getting what I crave. “Your mother and I waited until we were married.” That’s a lie. “We carefully planned for you.” Not true at all. I was surprised when Rebecca found out she was pregnant, and she was as well. Looking back, I think she was closer to devastation than surprise. “Abstinence is the only fail-safe form of contraception.” One hundred percent correct.
“You’re sounding really churchy right now, Dad. We’re not church people.”
“No, but Elena is. She’s Catholic. Contraception is morally wrong to Catholics.”
Leon’s face falls. “I didn’t think of that.”
“I hope you think about it now,” I say, picking up my fork once more. “Elena will be waiting for marriage.” If Elena needs a man to marry her and make getting her pregnant to be his full-time job for the sake of her mortal soul, I can be that man. I’d carry mountains on my back tobe that man. A boy like Leon isn’t ready for that kind of commitment.
“That explains a lot, actually,” says Leon.
What does that explain? Has Elena already refused to go on birth control or sleep with him? I want answers to a hundred questions about their relationship that I have no right to ask. If I keep talking about Elena, Leon is going to be suspicious, and so I shove some penne in my mouth and chew it like it did me a personal wrong. It’s good pasta, but I don’t have the appetite to finish it.
After dinner, I check the message I sent to Elena, and see blue ticks but no reply. Elena has left me on read.
I don’t expectElena to show up to her next scheduled babysitting appointment because I haven’t heard one peep from her, but on Tuesday evening, she arrives promptly at five.
When I see her on my doorbell app, I practically fly to the door and open it.
When she raises her face to mine, her blue eyes are filled with emotion. Blue eyes as big as a summer sky. “Mr. Grant.” She opens her mouth to speak again, but she doesn’t seem to know what to say.
My heart sinks. I’m back to being called Mr. Grant.
Elena had better not have come here just to resign. I stand back to let her in, and as soon as I have the door closed, she places her hand on my chest.
“Are you all right, Mr. Grant?” she whispers.
I look at her hand in surprise. Leon’s upstairs, and Mrs. Kerr is still here somewhere. I glance around, put my hand on her shoulder, and steer her into the living room. I leave the door ajar, but we’re alone in the room together.
“Me? Don’t worry about me. How are you?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. “I was really tired the day after, but other than that, I think I’m all right. Tell me the truth. Do you think you’ll be okay after everything you had to do?”
I feel my mouth twitch, but I swallow down my laughter. This sweet girl is worried that I’m suffering because of the violence I committed for her? I haven’t felt so alive in years. “I’ll be just fine, Elena. As long as you’re okay, that’s all that matters to me.”
She smiles and breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. There was so much I wanted to say to you, but I thought it would be safer if I didn’t put any of it in writing.”
Very clever of her. As usual, Elena has good instincts. “That was probably for the best.”
“I’ve been afraid that the police will find out what happened and arrest you. I keep picturing you in a jail cell because of me. I’ll do anything to stop that from happening.”
Well, isn’t she a dream? Accomplice to my murders. Co-conspirator to my crimes. Sounds pretty intimate, when you think about it. If the police bother to investigate the murder of four lowlifes in Fenton, they’ll hardly put theirbest officers on the job, and any witnesses will keep their mouths shut. No one rats in Fenton. “I don’t know. I should probably turn myself in. It’s the honest thing to do.”
Elena’s eyes widen in horror. She reaches up, and her fingers curl into my shoulder muscles. “Mr. Grant, no. You’ll spend the rest of your life in prison. I won’t be able to bear it.”
I pretend to consider the matter while I enjoy her holding me tightly and imploring me with those baby blue eyes.
“I know it’s wrong, but after what those men intended to do to me, I’m glad they’re dead and you’re free.”
I caress her cheek with the backs of my knuckles. “You’re not frightened of me? I killed men right in front of you.”
“Why would I be frightened of you? You’re the man who saved me.”
Oh, fuck. My eyes drop to her mouth. I gave in to my bloodlust, and Elena is grateful. That’s the hottest thing a woman’s ever said to me.
Elena’s gaze settles on my lips as well. I shouldn’t be thinking about the kiss we shared, but apparently, I’m not the only one.
