Page 94 of Soft Tissue Damage
Tyrant grins, showing all his teeth. “I’ve been following the news coming out of Blackport and wondering if it’s got anything to do with Cullan. There was something different about Cullan the last time I saw him. He looked better than he has in years.”
Tyrant Mercer is a hardened criminal who looks like he’s got a killing or two of his own under his belt, so it doesn’t surprise me that he greets my news with pleasure. Vivienne is much like one of the young women I’ve waitressed with, bright and sweet and, well, normal. How is she not upset by this news?
Vivienne must notice my wary expression, and she smiles at me. “Were you expecting me to scream and run from the house? There’s not much that shocks me thesedays. I’ve met real monsters, and I know the suffering they cause.”
“Cullan has a list,” Tyrant says. “He’s never told me who’s on it, but I have been wondering if there are fewer names on it now.” Slowly, he smiles at me. “You’re worried that we were going to throw you out of the house for telling us this, weren’t you? I told Cullan to be honest with the next woman he falls for, and I’m pleased to see that he has taken my advice.”
We finish our lunch, and Tyrant takes Barlow upstairs for his nap. Rosie has had enough of her high chair, so I hold her in my lap while I help her finish her meal.
Vivienne watches me closely, her brow creased in worry. “You’re afraid, aren’t you?”
“I am.”
“Of Cullan?”
“I could never be afraid of Cullan. I’m afraidforhim. The more flagrantly he breaks the law, the more he’s likely to get caught. The police are already hunting him. He’s careful, but everyone makes mistakes eventually.”
Vivienne takes a bite of fish and chews thoughtfully. “Maybe he’ll want to slow down now he’s found someone who loves all of him, including his darkness. Maybe he won’t need to be the Red Mask Killer anymore because you’ve seen his true face.”
I gaze at my fingers tangled together in my lap. That sounds too simple. Life has taught me not to hope that things will be easy. “Do you really think it works that way?I thought serial killers don’t stop until they’re caught or dead.”
Vivienne looks at me for a long time, and then says, “Can I show you something?”
“Of course.”
Vivienne puts down her knife and fork and lifts the hem of her top to expose her stomach and ribs, all the way up to the underwire of her bra. Her torso is covered with shiny, horizontal scars. Dozens of them, all an inch or two long, crisscrossing one another.
They must have bled. They must have hurt.
“Who did this to you?” I cry.
“I did it to myself. I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t show anyone. Everything in my life was pain, and then I met Tyrant. He didn’t fix me, love doesn’t work like that, but once all my darkness was out there for someone else to witness, it lost its power over me. I was free.” She smiles, and lowers her top. “People can change.”
Huck kicks his legs and makes his desire to be released from his high chair known.
Vivienne gets out of her seat and picks up the baby. “I hope you and Cullan find the same freedom together as Tyrant and I have. Knowing Cullan, he’s trying as hard as he can.”
I watch Vivienne leave the room, speaking softly to the baby in her arms. Some of the anxiety in my belly ebbs away. I think Vivienne is right. Cullan will be doing everything he can for us out there, so I must do everything I can for us here. That means getting plenty of restand eating well for the sake of our baby and so I can look after Rosie.
I kiss the top of Rosie’s head and breathe in the sweet scent of her curls. “I hope your daddy comes home to us soon.”
The days passin relative peace and quiet. Tyrant and Vivienne’s home is a safe haven for me and Rosie, and I love all the birdsong and the beautiful garden. Vivienne gives me her books on motherhood, and I spend my time reading those, playing with Rosie and Vivienne’s boys, or helping around the house.
“I don’t really feel like I’m pregnant,” I confess to Vivienne one afternoon as we decorate cupcakes for the children. “Is that strange?”
She smiles as she frosts green leaves onto a cupcake with a pink rose. “As in it doesn’t feel real yet? I can understand that. You don’t have Cullan. There hasn’t been a doctor’s visit. Your body hasn’t started changing. But it will happen, I promise.”
“I hope so. I want to enjoy that goddess feeling that I’ve heard women talk about.”
I must sound wistful because Vivienne puts her arm around me and gives me a squeeze. “You will experience it all, I promise. All the wonderful and all the challenging, and you’ll get to experience it with Cullan. He’s a wonderful father.”
“He is, isn’t he?” I say fondly.
I glance toward the sunny window, wondering what he’s doing right now, and if he’s longing for me as much as I’m longing for him.
After dinner that evening and once all the children are sleeping, I’m still gazing out the windows and thinking of Cullan. A full moon is rising over the trees, filling the garden with silvery light. Tyrant’s hedge maze looks dark and enigmatic, and it draws me in, reminding me of my first time with Cullan in that walled garden.
I miss him so much that my insides feel like I’m bleeding.
