Page 98 of Soft Tissue Damage
Itake a third nervous sip of my water and put it down again. It’s a rare sunny day in Blackport, and the restaurant is bright and bustling at lunchtime. I’m alone at a table waiting for someone who I’ve been hoping to meet for a long, long time.
There was one more thing that Cullan was doing while I stayed with Vivienne and Tyrant. He found my mother. The church my aunts attended is associated with a nearby hospital, and he searched the records until he found what he was looking for.
Me.
Born April 4 to a Beatrice Spencer, father unknown.
I know my fiancé, and he wouldn’thave stopped with just a name. He would have done a deep dive into her life to see what kind of person she is. If she could hurt me. If she could be dangerous for me. He likely looked into her criminal records and had her followed, as he’s confessed he once did with me before he approached me to look after his daughter. He will never let anyone or anything dangerous or destructive near someone he loves. In the weeks since I found out the truth about what he does for a living, I’ve seen how carefully he prepares for infiltration jobs, and I’m impressed by his thoroughness and care.
Cullan will have deemed Beatrice safe for me to meet, but that doesn’t mean she can’t hurt me. She might feel indifferent about her long-lost daughter getting in contact. She might resent being reminded of a past “mistake.” Or perhaps she’ll be delighted to see me again. I’m hopeful, but I’m also prepared to be crushed, and if I am, I have Cullan’s warm, strong arms to hold me while I cry.
I curve my hand around my belly, and whisper to the bump, “It doesn’t matter what happens today, I have you. I have your daddy, and I have your sister Rosie. That makes me bulletproof, doesn’t it, baby?”
This is scary, but I have to try and have a relationship with my mother. There will always be a part of me that aches if I don’t.
Meanwhile, Cullan has been rebuilding things with Leon. It’s been difficult for both of them, I hear, but things are getting better between them. Leon’s less angry with his father, and he’s started seeing another woman. Cullan tellsme that Leon is treating her better than he treated me, and I’m glad to hear it.
A figure enters the restaurant, and I look up as I’ve already done half a dozen times in the last ten minutes. This time, I’m not disappointed. This time, I feel electrified, and Iknow.
The woman is in her mid-thirties, and she wears a baby blue dress and heels. Her eyes are just like mine, wide and bright blue. Her hair is the same lustrous shade of black as my own. I see myself in the tilt of her lips and the shape of her face.
She looks around the restaurant, a little of the apprehension I’ve been feeling showing in her eyes. Then she sees me, and happiness spreads over her face. She hurries over, and I stand to greet her.
I say, “You’re Beatrice Spencer.”
At the same time, she says, “I would have known you anywhere, my little girl,” and throws her arms around me.
I told myself not to expect more than a polite handshake, and so the warmth of her words and embrace overwhelm me. A sob rises up my throat, and I burst into tears. Beatrice is crying as well. I’m vaguely aware that people around us are giving the two crying women strange looks, but I don’t care.
We finally disentangle ourselves from each other, dab at our eyes with our napkins, and sit down. How wonderful it is to look into my mother’s face.
“You look so grown up,” she tells me.
“And you look so young.” I was picturing a much olderwoman, but Beatrice looks the same age as many first-time mothers I’ve seen.
She gives me a rueful smile. “I was just fifteen when I had you. Practically a baby myself. Who was it that raised you?”
“Two sisters, Astrid and Frieda.”
“Do you still see them?”
I smile steadily back at Beatrice. “Not for a little while. They went on vacation.” The lie passes easily over my lips with neither a blush nor a wobble in my voice. I feel no remorse. At night, I sleep soundly without torment over the way they died or what Cullan did with their bodies.
“I hope they’re good women who treated you kindly?” Beatrice asks, apprehension in her voice.
I’ve debated what to tell people who ask about Astrid and Frieda.
“They gave me all the love that’s in their heart.”
Beatrice doesn’t need to know thatall the love in their heartsamounted to gristle and poison from those loveless bitches.
She smiles in relief. “I’m so glad. Perhaps I can meet them one day.”
Cullan never told me what he did with the bodies, but I’m sure they’re rotting somewhere they’ll never be found.
“Can I ask what being pregnant with me was like? You see, I’m having a baby.” I lean back so she can see my bump.
Beatrice gasps in delight. “I’m going to be a grandma? I’m going to be a grandma!” She gives me her congratulationsand then gathers her thoughts. “It’s wonderful to be asked such a question. I’m never given the opportunity to talk about you. You were a very easy baby to carry, and my morning sickness didn’t last long. I remember some sleepless nights, and being so hungry all the time.”
