Page 116 of The Gathered Fragments of Us
"I love you," Jessica finally managed. "That's...that's the right words. I love you so much, baby girl."
"I love you too, Mom."
Jessica's eyes suddenly focused on me with startling clarity, and I saw a flash of the woman she become in the last year, before her deterioration—sharp, calculating, angry.
"You," she said, pointing at me with a shaking finger. "You took... you took my..." Her face contorted with frustration as she struggled to find the words. "My family. My life. Everything."
"Jessica," Caden said firmly, stepping forward.
"No, it's okay," I said quietly, holding my hand out to my husband to stop him from proceeding. I looked at Jessica. I no longer saw the the woman who had tormented our family. Instead I saw a sick, dying woman whose body and brain was betraying her. "I know you're scared and confused."
Jessica stared at me for a long moment, then seemed to deflate, the anger draining out of her face as quickly as it had appeared.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't... I can't think straight anymore. It's eating my brain."
Macy said gently, reaching out to take her mother's hand. "But it's not your fault, Mom."
Jessica looked back up at me again and said, "Can you come closer?"
I was hesitant at first, not sure if she would be volatile or not, but given her lack of strength, I wasn't as afraid. So, approaching her bed, I stayed on the other side of Macy—just in case I needed to keep her out of the line of fire.
Jessica leaned toward me and said, "I'm dying."
At this, a sob escaped from Macy. Jessica glanced back to her and squeezed her hand slightly. "It needs to be said."
"Jessica, it's okay. I know."
"No—know don't you." She dropped her head and blew out a breath, grunting at the effort and tapping her forehead with her free hand.
She spoke more slowly. "I mean—no, you don't know. I need you to do something."
"Okay. Tell me what you need." I thought she would say something like, bring me a new water or cover my feet because this room is freaking cold! That is not, however, what she said.
"Macy is yours now. It's what you always wanted—to steal her away. So now you'll have her."
I paused, shocked but realizing that this is part of the paranoia she has been experiencing, I measured my response. "Jessica, I don't want to steal her. She will always be your girl and you will always be her mom."
She shook her head, but I continued, "Jessica. Youwillalways be her mom. No matter what, and I will remind her of you all the time. We won't forget you. We will talk about you, and help Macy remember good things about you.. And one day, she will tell herchildren about you. And her children's children. I promise you this. You willnotbe forgotten or replaced."
We were all crying now. Fuck this was so hard. She nodded her head and laid it back on the pillow.
"Macy…" Her voice was thin and breathy. She turned her head toward her daughter.
Macy's breath caught and she held back another sob. Through her tears and sniffles she said, "I'm here, Mom."
For a moment, Jessica just looked at her, really looked at her, as though taking in every detail. Her expression was soft, and her eyes were heavy.
“I always loved you. You were the best thing I ever had.” She licked her lips, her mouth clearly dry.
Caden approached the bed. At some point he had gotten another cup and straw for her because he had one at the ready. As he stepped closer, he held the straw to her lips and helped her so she could drink.
"I love you too, Mom."
Jessica’s eyes closed, but a faint smile lingered on her lips. In mere seconds, she had slipped into a restless half-sleep. She muttered something, but it was too incoherent for any of us to understand. The moment was gone, but I knew that Macy would keep those words with her forever.
There is no easy solution here. There is no easy way out of this. No one wins in this scenario. I stepped to the side of Macy, placing my hand on her shoulder. Caden had already moved behind her and rested his head on top of hers.
Tears shone in his eyes. He cried for the woman Jessica had been and for the daughter they had together. Macy cried for the loss she was experiencing and the pain she felt in the depths of her soul. I cried for the future that was forever changed and the lives that would never be the same.
