Page 29 of The Gathered Fragments of Us
That hit harder than I expected. I sat with it.
"You want her back?" he asked.
"More than anything. But I don't want to just win her back. I want to be better. For her. For Macy. For myself."
"Then do the work. Don't half-ass it with flowers and a 'my bad.' You've got to show her you see her again. You remember her. What she loves. What makes her laugh. What made her fall for you."
I rubbed a hand over my face. "That's what I'm trying to figure out."
"Try focusing on your memories. All those things that made her fall in love with you—you need to figure out where it all went. Give her something tangible that helps her remember."
I smiled. "Thanks, man, I'm so sorry. I know me being absentee recently isn't just affecting her. I realize I haven't been around for you all too. I need to figure out where I went wrong and why. I feel awful."
"Good. You should."
“Mom’s been asking about you two, by the way. And both Danny and Mikey mentioned they haven’t heard from you in weeks. We all noticed you’ve been MIA, but figured you were just buried in work again.”
"Shit. Yeah, I’m sorry, man. I’ll reach out to everyone once I get my head straight."
“Do that. You know how the family gets when one of us goes radio silent for too long.”
“I know. Thanks, man.”"
"Seriously though. Caden, you should try to figure out why it was so easy to just forget about everything and everyone for the sake of your job. It's not like you were sneaking out and drinking. It's not like you were having an affair. You threw yourself into work and just disappeared. People don't just do that for no reason. So figure that out while you're at it."
"I know." I sighed. "Thank you, man. I appreciate you being there for me."
“I will always be here for you bro. And, if you fuck-up even more, then I’ll bring the cousins in on either helping you fix it or just helping me kick the ever-living-shit out of you.”
I laughed, “Yeah, thanks a lot.”
“Anytime.”
After we hung up, I sat in the kitchen for a few minutes, letting it all sink in. The ache was still there—raw and heavy—but I felt less stuck. I had a direction now.
I walked over to the room where she had been staying. The bed was still made, except for the pillow I had stolen. She had a duffel bag sitting in the corner. I kneeled down and gently opened it, folding the clothes she left behind and placing them in neat stacks on the bed. Not because they needed organizing. Because it felt like a small way to care for her.
Next, I made a list. A real, handwritten one of the things I needed to do before she comes home. First thing to get done—clean the house top to bottom. Second—store and purse with Macy. Third—the box.
Macy wandered in while I was sweeping the entryway later that afternoon.
"What are you doing?" she asked, holding an iced lemonade as she watched me with confusion spread across her face.
I wiped sweat off my brow. "Just trying to make the place as clean as I can before Felicity comes home."
She nodded. "Good. Because you're gross."
"Hey!"
"Dad, your used socks are on the back of the couch. I don't know how Felicity puts up with you. Boys are really gross if they are all like you."
"You just keep thinking that because you're right ... all boys are exactly like that. They fart, and the smell, make awful noises. They leave their socks everywhere, and did I mention they definitely smell?"
She laughed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Dad, I think you mentioned that one a couple of times."
"I'm looking forward to Felicity coming back. She is coming back... right, Dad?"
"Yes, sweetheart, she's coming back. She said so. And I'm looking forward to her coming home too." I reached over and tried to give her a hug, but she stepped back and squeezed her nose between her thumb and forefinger."
