Page 67 of The Gathered Fragments of Us
"Just sitting." Her voice was strange. Guilty?
My heart began to race—or maybe it had been racing all along. The pills did that sometimes. If I hadn't run out earlier this week before I could get my refill yesterday morning, it wouldn't be this bad. It's always worse then.It'll get better. It'll be better.
"We need to get a good night's sleep. We're going to leave early tomorrow, for our adventure."
"I want to go home."
The words hit me like a physical blow. Home. Where Caden was probably sitting with that woman, playing happy family in my house, with my daughter.
No. I couldn't let him poison Macy against me too.
"That's not... we can't..." My voice cracked. I was so tired. Why is there so much pressure inside my head? When had I last really slept? The pills kept me going but real sleep... I wish I had a glass of wine—that would help too. "Why don't you watch some TV while I figure things out?"
I clicked on the television, some cartoon filling the room with artificial brightness. Macy settled back against the pillows, but I could feel her watching me.
I started pacing. Five steps to the window. Five steps back. The room was so small. Why was it so small? I needed to put some clothes on. The AC was making my skin itch. I threw on my Eberjey pajamas, needing the soft comfort of the jersey fabric. Rubbing my arms, my hands were shaking. I need to go lie down. Maybe that would help.
Crawling under the covers, I looked over at Macy. Why does everything have to be so complicated? I wonder what Brad is doing. He's going to be so mad I just took off. Or maybe he just won't care. No one fucking cares.
Fuck! My head is killing me! The pills help—thank God I found them. Before I started taking them, everything was just noise. Now at least I can breathe.
I stood up again. I need something. What do I need? Oh—yeah. Pills. Okay, get the pills, get the pills. Just one. This is why I—where's my water? Damn it. "Macy! Where's my water?"
She looked at me, shock on her face, and whispered "I don't know, Mom."
I started tossing things around. I need water to take my pills. Fuck it, I'll use the water from the bathroom sink tap.
I took one. That should be enough to take the edge off. I went back and took a second. Settling in on my bed, I watched TV with Macy. Within fifteen minutes I felt like a new woman.
Tomorrow we'll drive to the next state. Maybe find a nice town where nobody knows us. I have enough cash for a few weeks, maybe a month if we are careful. Long enough for Caden to realize what he's lost—if he wants to see Macy again, then he needs to pay for it. If that fucking card hadn't expired, if Lauren hadn't started sniffing around, this all wouldn't be happening.
I bet Felicity planned for all of this. She just wants Macy.
Focus, Jessica, focus!
I sighed, looked over at my daughter. "We'll leave first thing in the morning, okay honey? Get some sleep."
"I'm not tired."
"Please, Macy. Just... please!" I felt tears dropping down my face. When did I start crying? "Let's just get some sleep, okay? I promise things will be better in the morning." I hated the desperation in my own voice.
Now I was begging my eleven-year-old daughter to pretend everything was normal—while we hid in a roach motel that smelled like cigarettes and broken dreams.
I have enough pills to last about another week… I think. I need to figure out how to solve for that.
I closed my eyes and could feel myself nodding off.
Then I heard it...Bang, Bang, Bang!
"Jessica Jensen, this is the Police. Open up!"
Chapter 27: Sirens
~Macy~
The knocking was loud—and heavy. I could swear I felt my bed move against the wall.
The scratchy bedspread had been annoying me. I wasn't even watching the cartoons on in the background, but I was scared to say anything. Mom seemed like she could get mad at any second, so I decided to just stay quiet. I'd just wait for Dad to come get me.
