Page 68 of The Gathered Fragments of Us
Sitting and waiting, I could hear Mom mumbling to herself. Not to me—to herself.
"I know, I know," she'd whispered to herself. "But I can't let them take her."
I don't know why she's acting so weird. She wasn't always like this. I tried to remember when things changed. She used to like to hum. When she met Brad though, things became about him and less about me. I thought of all the times recently when she would nap after coming home from work. That didn't start until the last year…I think. I squeezed my eyes closed. How long until my dad gets here?
And then, I heard banging on the door."Jessica Jensen, this is the police. Open up!"
Mom's eyes flew open. She sat up so fast it looked like it hurt, her hair all messy from the pillow. Her face went completely white, but then she looked toward the window and nodded like someone was telling her what to do.
"They're here," she whispered.
"Police! We need you to open the door, ma'am!"
"I KNOW!" Mom suddenly screamed at the door. Then she looked at me with wild, unfocused eyes. "Macy, they found us."
I sat up on the bed, scared. "Mom, what's happening?" Why are police here? I thought my dad was coming.
She scrambled, stumbling out of her bed—falling to her hands and knees. Her movements seemed crazy and scary. "They want to take you back to him. Back to that house. To her." She started frantically digging through her purse. "I need... where the hell are my pills? I need them. Just one to help me think straight!"
Items were falling from her purse as she searched—scattering across the carpet. "Just give me a second!" she yelled at the door, then immediately back to her purse.
"Got 'em!" As she pulled a bottle from her bag, she tried to open it. I saw all kinds of pills scatter across the carpet. She dropped down and tried to pick them up. There were white ones and a couple blue.
"Mom, you're scaring me."
"It's fine, honey. Everything is fine. I took some an hour ago." She was looking between me and the carpet as she tried to pick them all up. "It just wasn't enough. I should have known that. It'll be okay though." She found a pill and dry-swallowed it. Then another. Then she was gripping her head, pressing on the sides of her temple.
I kept looking at the carpet. It had weird red and green swirls all over. Someone had left a chip bag right near where my mom's foot was. I thought about the pills my mom was taking,wondering if there was dirty stuff on them now. Why would she want to take them? What about the police?
The knocking came again, harder this time. "Ma'am, we need you to open this door now or we will enter by force."
Mom grabbed my arm, her grip too tight. I cried out and asked her to stop. I don't think she heard me though. Her eyes were really bright. She was sweating too, but it was so cold in the room. Why is she so sweaty?
"Macy, listen, listen. You have to listen." She shook me. "When they come in, you tell them you want to stay with Mommy, okay? Tell them your dad is just angry because he didn't want to give me the money he owed me."
"Money?"
"Yes, Macy! The MONEY!" she shouted.
"What money, Mom?"
"The money I had to take! It was mine anyway—I earned it! It wasn't a lot. Just a little. You know—to help out. Things are so expensive. And there was so much noise, so it helped with mommy's medicine. You understand, right, honey?" Her words were getting slurred.
Before I could ask what she meant, there was a loud BANG. I looked up and the door flew open.
All of the sudden it felt like a hundred police officers came into the room really fast. One of the policewomen tried to come straight toward me, but everyone else went to Mom.
"Get away from her!" Mom screamed, stumbling backward. When she tried to put me behind her, I fell and then she fell on top of me. I screamed out—my arm caught underneath me. Painlike I'd never felt before climbed up my arm from my wrist to my elbow. Mom tried to get up, but she fell on me again and caused more pain. When she fell, my head bumped into the corner of the bed frame.
Tears were streaming down my face. Everything hurt. So bad. "Mom, stop! Please stop!"
Finally, she was up off of me—she yelled to the police, "I have custody! Check the papers! She's MY daughter!"
"Macy?" the woman officer asked gently, dropping down to the ground to help me up. She had kind eyes and brown hair pulled back. "I'm Officer Lidia Martinez. You can call me Lia. Can you move your arm, sweetheart?"
I tried to move it, but it hurt so much I started crying harder. "It hurts!"
"Okay, honey, let's get you checked out. Just sit still for now. Did you bump your head too?"
