Page 27 of Finding Alfred
What the actual fuck?
Chapter twenty-two
Two more weeks later
I tried. I went to his house. But not one damned word came out of my mouth. His cast was off, and he looked good. But it didn’t matter.
Why were we being so stubborn? Why wouldn’t he give in? If he had said something, anything…but he didn’t, and neither did I. It was truly over and maybe that was what I needed to close the door on this thing.
Diving into routine was totally called for. Yes. That’s what I would do. Get up and get my coffee fix. A polite smile as I passed him on the way to the back of the bookstore, and again on the way out. Then work. Then home. Sure, ignoring him was easy—not.
My chest hurt every morning, and I wondered why the fuck I kept torturing myself. What the fuck was wrong with me?
At work, I mostly focused on doing shit. And even making up more shit to do, so I wouldn’t be staring at my laptop wondering what Jackie was doing.
At home, I read. A lot. And I fixed up my special spot in the woods. But being there was torture, too. Maybe that was the problem. I was a secret masochist. That wasn’t true. I hated every minute of this. There didn’t seem to be a way out though. Or maybe I just didn’t have the guts to apologize.
Chapter twenty-three
Two long days later…
I watched as Alfred walked out of the bookstore, barely acknowledging me, for the last fucking time. He looked miserable and was trying not to show it, but his fake smile didn’t fool me. I’d seen the real thing, and this was not it.
Standing with a long stretch, I glanced at the back of the store. Brock was near the romance section, stocking the newest shipment of books, and I was pretty sure Eddy was in the office.“Hey, guys! I’m taking a break.” I didn’t want to leave the front counter without them knowing.
When Brock waved me off, I went out the front door, but by the time I got to the parking lot, he was gone. Damn. Well, I wasn’t going to let this go. I made a huge mistake pushing him away when he was only trying to help, but if a relationship couldn’t stand one little argument, what the fuck were we doing? Being stupid, stubborn asses, that’s what. And I had to end it now. This nonsense was breaking my heart.
But I wasn’t going to bug Alfred at work, so I went back to the bookstore. If Brock didn’t need me, I was going to pack up and go home to prepare and plan. Hell, it worked before.
I checked my watch for the millionth time and knew Alfred would be home by now. Biting my lip and worrying wasn’t going to help anything. It was a suck it up moment, and that’s exactly what I was going to do. But I wasn’t going over empty-handed. I bought him the new mystery book he’d been eyeing, a cupcake, and fresh flowers. I loaded up my haul and drove over to his place.
My hands were a little full as I knocked on his door with my elbow, but there was no answer. I knocked again. After a few minutes, I knew where he was, and it wasn’t in the house. I circled around to the side gate, happy the cupcake was in a box so it wouldn’t get messed up, then headed to his little spot in the back of the property.
The grass was freshly mowed, smelling slightly sweet and reminding me of long summers of my childhood, spent primarily outside. The path to Alfred’s spot had been lined with largerocks, making a natural border, and as I walked along it, the trees grew thicker. Then the path circled around and into a small opening, revealing the secret space within the trees. The surrounding undergrowth was thick, making the little clearing more private. It looked like some of it in the center had been removed, allowing for more space for his furniture. Along with the couch he initially dragged out here, he’d added a small table and twinkling fairy lights draped around the trees above our heads. Above the lights, netting stretched across the opening and draped down the trees, probably to keep flying insects out as much as possible, which was confirmed by the citronella candle torches placed strategically around.
“What are you doing here?” My eyes finally dropped to Alfred and his sad frown.
I sighed and sat on the edge of the couch. “Looking for you.” I held out my gifts to him.
“Oh.” He examined the book and the flowers before opening the cupcake. “Mmm…this is nice.” He took a swipe of frosting. “A special trip toDon’t Go Bakin’ My Heart? Just for me? Jackie…”
“Because I’m sorry for everything I’ve done to make you so mad that you won’t even look at me. This has to stop.”
“We’re both being stubborn.”
I sighed deeply. “That’s the truth.” We sat silently for a few minutes while Alfred continued to inspect the cupcake and eat the frosting.
“Al, it’s been a while, and I miss you. If you don’t want to be together-together, like that, fine, but can we hang out? Our best friends are married. And…I miss your smile.”
“I generally like you, Jackie. But you scare the shit out of me. You’re too much and you hurt my feelings.”
“I’m sorry. It was…” I ran my hands through my hair, trying to find the right words. That wasn’t normally my problem, but everything with Alfred was out of the ordinary. “I don’t knowhow to explain it to you when I can’t explain it to myself. You turned the tables on me, and I didn’t know what to do. And I felt stupid enough…” The people in the town didn’t accept me, and my mother abandoned me, so yeah, I had subtle but real abandonment issues, and when we fought, he hit them hard.
“Stop. You’re not stupid. Anything but.” He moved his cupcake to the table and scooted closer to me. He turned my shoulder to face him and then kissed me softly. Then he pushed for more, sliding his tongue inside my mouth. He tasted overly sweet from the frosting, and it made me want him more.
Did he pull me down or did we simply lean back? It didn’t matter. We lay side by side, the short way across the couch. It wasn’t comfortable, but I couldn’t keep my mouth off of him. And by the sexy sounds he made, I was certain he felt the same. It had been too long.
His hand wandered inside my shirt, palming my side, skin to skin. It wasn’t enough. “Al…please.” I tugged at his shirt. God damn it had too many buttons. We got about half of them undone, then both of our shirts came off over our heads. His neck was my favorite spot to taste, so I did, loving his sweet and salty skin. “I missed you.”
