Page 70 of All the Chaos of Constellations
Dropping his head, he refused to meet her earnest gaze. He’d accepted the bond to Novalise, he’d acceptedher,and now it was too late. He should have gone straight to Ariesian and asked for her hand in marriage. There was no way he could live with himself if he put Novalise in harm’s way. Especially if Trysta Starstorm was right. That damned star reading haunted him most days, served as a steadfast reminder that he would never be enough. Perhaps this was for the best, and he should be grateful Novalise had found a match. Someone who wasn’t fated to be an abusive bastard.
“I’ll never be able to give her what she wants, Cy.”
“Then give her all you have, give her all you are.” Cyra grabbed his hands, fervent and demanding. “I know you’ve sworn off love because of Mother and Father, but not every relationship is undesirable. Not every relationship ends in loss.”
Asher shuttered his emotions, closing up. She had no idea the violent chaos that was their father. She didn’t know he was vile, that he beat their mother until she could barely walk, that he wielded her love for him like a weapon. Just like she would never understand that it was their mother’s desperation to be loved that ultimately ended her life. Asher had protected her from those harsh truths and kept her safe from a reality of despair.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he muttered, pulling his hands from her grasp.
“Then tell me,” Cyra demanded, throwing her arms out wide. “Tell me why you deny her heart?”
He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut. No good would come of reliving the past. It would only hurt Cyra more.
“It doesn’t matter.” He shook his head, backing away. “What’s done is done.”
“So that’s it, then?” She huffed out a breath, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. “You’re going to give her up to someone who doesn’t deserve her?”
“She was never mine.”
“Sure.” Cyra spun away from him and headed for the door. She paused, glanced over her shoulder, and tossed him the most scathing look. “Keep telling yourself that, Asher. Then you can watch as the two of you spend an eternity miserable and heartbroken, because you’re too stubborn to see the truth of something, even if it’s right in front of you.”
She stormed out of his study, leaving him alone to wallow in his thoughts. In his regret.
He could marry Novalise, but doing so would subject her to a lifetime of violence. He could try to control his temper, to restrain the volatile nature of his birthright, but one day he wouldn’t be able to hold back. One day, he would snap. And when that happened, he’d rather end his own life than watch her suffer by his hand.
Guilt ravaged him.
He’d promised her that she would be safe with him, always. But he would promise her the moon and the stars, the mountains and the oceans, if it meant he could protect her. If could find a way to open his heart to her.
It wasn’t that he was incapable of love. Not truly.
He adored his mother, once. He cherished his sister. And Novalise…she was the beating of his heart, the calling of his soul.
No, he knew he could love her, and he would, fiercely. For as long as he drew breath, and in the lifetimes after.
But Asher…well, he simply wasn’t worthy ofbeingloved. By anyone. Especially not by Novalise.
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
Novalise burst into Ariesian’s study unannounced, no longer caring if her arrival was deemed inappropriate or less than dignified. She’d already wasted enough time.
She stomped into the room, chest heaving. “Ariesian.”
Her eldest brother startled at the sight of her, nearly tipping out of his chair.
“I must speak with you at once.” She closed the distance between them, steeling her spine in preparation for the impending argument.
His gaze took her in from head to toe, his mouth falling open slightly. He blinked once, gave his head a small shake, his brows furrowing in question. “What in the name of all the constellations are you wearing?”
“It’s my wedding dress,” she snapped, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“It’s…” He swallowed, and given by the way he tugged on the collar of his shirt, she knew it was taking every ounce of his good breeding to remain polite. “Interesting.”
“It’s abhorrent and we both know it. But that is entirely beside the point.” She rounded the desk, jabbing her finger into his chest. “What have you done?”
Ariesian clasped her hand firmly, pushing her impudent finger aside.
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He turned his attention back to the tidy pile of papers on his desk. “I’ve done a great many things.”
