Page 63 of Trial of Thorns
I swallow, heart aching but somehow I keep my head high as I answer. “Of course.”
***
AN OWL CRASHES INTOmy chest the moment I reach the bottom of the spiral stairs. I fumble to catch her without breaking one of her wings. My mind is still reeling over everything I learned during my meeting with Drake. She wiggles in my arms.
I blink and grip Raven’s owl wings tightly. “What?”
She squeals quietly. Disconcerting but only for me. She’s getting better at keeping her presence unnoticed. “I’m not in the mood for this, Ray.” My voice is weak.
She stretches her neck up, nipping my ear with her sharp beak. “Ow!”
She leaps from my arms and flies down the path in front of me, away from the estate and into the forest on the edge of the grounds. I groan but follow her.
Dark trees with yellow and orange leaves surround me as I reach the little snowy owl sitting in the middle of the path. I look around quickly and then wave, removing the magic on her form.
She grows into the lovely human I know in one quick click. She’s on her feet, poised, but with an angry expression on her face. “What the hell was that?”
I close my eyes, shoulders slumping, standing awkwardly five feet away. She doesn’t move closer. “What?” I ask tiredly.
“You’re going to kill Rev now?”
I swallow, watching her expression closely. “What do you care?”
The wind whispers through the leaves around us, rustling gently. It reminds me of the Whisperwood, where the shadows whisper, bouncing through the trees. I could go back there, if I do this. I could go home. I would be free of this curse.
“I care about you!” she says. “You know you can’t do this—it willkillyou.”
I bite my lip and pause. I don’t know what I know.
“You told me you hate yourself for what you did all those years ago. And you’re going to do it again. You told me you want to change how people see you, and you’re going to double down on your old reputation.”
I pull in a long shaky breath. I’ve never seen Raven so passionate. I’ve never heard her speak so deliberately.
“I’ve seen this before, Caelynn. I’ve seen people I love give up. I’ve seen them fall back into the void again and again.”
My stomach drops. She’s comparing me with her mother.
“I never said I was going to go through with it!” I shout quickly, panic rising my chest. It’s not like I could tell Drake I was going to betray him. I still haven’t decided. I haven’t... I don’t know what to think.
“Not with your voice. But your eyes give you away.” Her bottom lip trembles. “You’re giving up, just like my mom gave up,” she whispers. “But I won’t let you.” Her hands clench into fists.
“It’s not that simple, Ray. I... I don’t have a choice.”
“Of course you do! You always have a choice.”
“I can’t,” I say, my voice so small now. So brittle. “I can’t stop it. I’m not strong enough.”
“That’s what my mother said,” she whispers. My heart shatters but my darkness strengthens me. I accepted this part of myself a long time ago. I suppose it was only a matter of time before it cost me the last person who loves me.
Raven won’t forgive me if I do this. And yet, there isn’t another option.
“You’re doing the same thing. You’re going right back to the thing that broke you. Replaying it over and over again.”
I swallow, remembering the state Raven was in when she found her mother barely clinging to life. But doesn’t she get this is different?
“Cae, please,” she whispers, so achingly sad. She steps forward, reaching for me, but I step back. She chokes on a sob. “Don’t do it.Please,” she begs.
Kill him, the echoing voice of my worst memory shivers through me. My teeth chatter.
