Page 28 of Curse of Thorns
“So what?” I finally admit, the pit in my stomach growing.
“So, you wouldn’t trust her like that, mate or not, if you still hated her for those actions a decade ago.”
I swallow. “What does it matter? I don’t hate her. I trust her more than I should. But there is no future for us. The magic of fated mates is not that powerful, Ty. Once I secure the cure, she’ll be banished. And even if that wasn’t true, do you think the Luminescent Court people could ever accept her as their queen?” I let out a bitter laugh.
“You’re embarrassed of her? You don’t want them to know?” Ty guesses, and I stand suddenly, the tension in my shoulders growing to the point of pain.
“There is no hope!” I say loudly. “So, why put that wedge between me and my people? Why put us through that pain? It’s not worth it.”
Tyadin leans forward, his hands are folded at his chin and pointer fingers over his lips as he looks thoughtfully at the table between us. He’s quiet for a long while.
My heart pounds hard. Part of me wants to tell Tyadin off. Tell him to mind his own damn business. But I know he means well, and the truth is I don’t want to lose another friend. So, I swallow down my anger and pain, and I close my eyes tightly.
“It would be worth it, if it was me,” Ty says quietly, finally breaking the silence.
“You’ve got a crush on Cae?” I ask lightly, successfully breaking my own anxiety and his as well, apparently, because he chuckles. It fades quickly, though.
“I saw my mate in that orb too,” he tells me, and I take my seat, leaning back and waiting for him to continue.
“And?” I prompt.
His eyes flash to mine. “I don’t know her. Never seen her. But now her face is in my mind all the time. When will I meet her? Will I ever get the chance? I spend a lot of time thinking about that.”
I lay my head back on the couch, looking up at the stone ceiling.
“And when I see you with Caelynn... I sometimes put myself in your place. I can see how much it would hurt. How confusing it could be. But I know that even if my mate had done something terrible, I’d want her. Maybe I wouldn’t give up everything for her—or maybe I would, I don’t know. But I know I’d steal what moments I could. I’d want the chance to... at least know what it feels like.”
I blink back tears and then clear my throat. “I have to live the rest of my life without her,” I say slowly, eyes closed. “I’d rather not know what I’m missing.”
“If it were me,” Ty says slowly. “I’d rather die fighting for my dreams than live with regret and wonderwhat if.’”
“Damn it, Ty.”
“Does that not also count for broken hearts?”
I shake my head. “It’s different.”
“Yeah,” he says, his tone making it clear he doesn’t at all mean it. “It does make me wonder, though.”
“What?”
“The books said the gate would only let people enter the Schorchedlands if they sincerely asked, with no coercion. What if... what if part of you doesn’t want to go?”
The ache in my stomach grows, but I don’t speak as his words sink in.
“Once you go inside, you lose your chance. You either die inside or you succeed. If you come back out with the cure, Caelynn leaves forever. The moment you enter those gates, you lose her.”
I press my eyes closed.
“Maybe the gates can feel that. The hesitancy.”
“I don’t have any hesitancy,” I say, my voice weak. I haven’t ever, not once, thought those things. I haven’t wished for a chance to be with her. I haven’t feared the day she’d leave. So, I don’t buy his theory but...
“Are you absolutely sure?” he prods. “When you make your request to the Wicked Gates, is your heart completely convinced it’s what you want? Not just what you’re told to do? Because that was clear, you can’t be forced into it.”
I nod. “Maybe that was the whole reason for the trials. To make sure the person chosen to be savior really wanted it. Maybe I failed in that part.” I swallow.
I take in a long deep breath, and Ty just watches me expectantly.
