Page 43 of Soul of Thorns
Caelynn
My heart pounds soeagerly I can’t think straight. Rev’s hand settles back on my thigh, but its movement has halted. He doesn’t slide it farther the way I’m secretly begging him to.
Every taste only makes me crave more. It’s a never-ending cycle. I will never be satisfied.
Part of me is screaming for more. I want it. I need it.
But the other part is terrified.
I cannot have Rev. He isn’t mine and hasn’t been since the moment I shoved a dagger into his brother’s chest.
You could have him now.
I press my eye together, willing back tears. I could have him for a moment. I could. And then be heartbroken when it’s over. He talks like we’ll both be free of this curse soon. Like he won’t leave me behind in this place.
He talks like there will be more of us once we’re out of here.
But I know better.
To be honest, that’s another grace about my current circumstance. I won’t ever live through that moment. Where Rev faces his real life and realizes what he had with me isn’t worth losing it all.
He’ll be king. And I could never be queen for many reasons. Some he doesn’t even know yet. He’d take me as his for a night, a week—I don’t know but not long—before he realized the truth. That there’s no way for us to be together. We’ll both be crushed if we take this much farther.
Logically, I know all of this. But his arms around me feel so good that I allow my mind to pretend. I won’t settle for a rushed, haphazard moment of passion that’s filled with bitterness. I won’t allow myself to soil us in that way.
But in my mind, everything is right.
In my mind, he loves me. I am right for him. In my mind, all of the obstacles are gone, all of the what-ifs don’t matter.
It is only him and me.
It is only his lips on my skin. His tongue exploring every inch.
I find myself wondering if his thoughts match mine. If we’re here in this awful reality clinging to each other while simultaneously pushing away, but in our minds, we’re together. In another world, another dimension, we’re together. We’re perfect.
My thoughts wind down because there is only so much I can do given my current circumstances. Eyes closed, I pretend to be lying in a big comfortable bed with silver covers and lush pillows, curled up in his arms. My cheek lies against his bare chest, my fingers curl into his over his torso that rises with calm, even breaths.
