The nurse is clearly terrified but she nods rapidly and sprints off somewhere down the hall.
I take in a few long breaths and find that, though there are some major aches, so long as I allow myself to relax, my body isn’t as hurt as it felt moments ago. The tension makes the pain exponentially worse.
Jarron remains kneeling on the ground by my bed. His eyes flutter, like he’s barely able to stay awake.
“You can go,” I tell him. “You—I’ll be okay. And you need to rest.”
He jerks his attention to me. “You want me to leave?”
I swallow. Yes. No.
“Tell me, bright one. Tell me the truth hidden in your eyes.”
I press my lips together. This conversation seems better suited for Jarron in human form. If he hadn’t just saved my life hours ago, I’d be utterly petrified. Not that it stops my chest from tightening when my eyes land on his sharp claws.
This is Jarron, I remind myself.
I don’t want to fear him. I don’t want to be disgusted.
But at the same time, I can’t want him. Can’t love him. I have to tell him it’s over.
The nurse scurries back in. She scoots around Jarron’s wings to drop a tiny vial of purple liquid on the table by my bed. “This will help you sleep.” Her voice trembles slightly. “Um, do you—do you want your boyfriend to stay? He’s—well he needs rest too.”
My lips part, and my eyes dart to him. “He’s not my boyfriend,” I blurt out, not even thinking.
The nurse gasps. Then, after a beat of silent panic, she wisely skitters back out of the room.
Jarron’s monster is watching me without emotion. “That’s it? You’re done with me now?”
“No. I didn’t mean—“ I swallow. “We’re friends,” I add stupidly. I don’t know how to do this right. Maybe there is no right way.
He stands slowly, with much more effort than it should take a being as strong as him. Anger slowly drifts over his expression. “You deny me?” he asks, voice near a growl.
I try to hide my trembling fingers. I don’t want to fear him.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “But I can’t—I can’t do this.”
His hand jerks out. I whimper but remain utterly still. His claw presses into the underside of my jaw.
“To you, I am not Jarron. You see me as something other.” He speaks slowly, like he’s working out a particularly tricky puzzle. “But I am not fooled. The Jarron you know and this being before you are the same. You desire him. Trust him. Want to be with him. Yet you will not.”
His head tilts as he examines me.
I close my eyes. The sharp edge of his claw should be painful against my soft skin, but it’s not. Still, my pulse races.
“Why? Is it the fear? You fear this version of me. Is that the reason? Or is there more?”
He releases me and stands straight.
“I will figure it out. I will uncover your secret, my bright one, and resolve this. I will fix it and claim you as mine.”
He doesn’t wait for a response or reaction. He simply turns on his heel and disappears into the darkness of the hall.
I close my eyes and fist the sheets while I let that new wave of pain flood me. Once the worst is over, I grab the potion and down it in one big gulp and pray that sleep takes me before I can think too deeply about what I just did or what his words could possibly mean.
55
I’ll Be Back