Page 143 of A Drop of Anguish
His jaw clenches. “I wish more than anything I could just tell you the truth, Candice. I wish I could explain it all away, but it doesn’t work that way. I can’t.”
“Why is your demon fighting you?” I blurt again.
He grimaces.
“Can’t tell me that either, huh?” Why do these rules have to make everything so complicated?
I hold my hands over my mouth for a long moment while I compile my thoughts. “Before I say all this, I need you to give me one answer. I know there’s a lot you’re not allowed to explain—that’s annoying, by the way, but I don’t blame you—but this one, I need.”
He waits, sitting at the edge of the chair, pleading with his intense stare, uncertain he can give me what I need but desperate to obey.
“Even knowing that Liz is alive, do you still want me?”
“Yes.” His answer is so fast I almost miss it. “Yes. I wantyou.”
The hair on my arms stands up, and the breath rushes from my lungs as this realization settles in. He wants me. He stands and grips my neck with both hands.
I swallow as new fear wells up. Fear of being vulnerable, of exposing a very delicate part of my heart, but Jarron is worth this risk.
“Since you can’t tell me the full truth,” I say slowly, “I will give you my truth.”
Irrational terror takes hold of my heart. I know I am safe with Jarron, and yet, admitting this truth is still so difficult.
“Theonlyreason I’ve pushed you away, Jarron—theonlyreason—is because I thought you’d chosen her.” My lips tremble. “And even then, I was ready to give myself to you. You’re everything I could ever want. You’re too good if I’m honest. I don’t deserve you.”
Jarron’s hand tightens on the back of my neck, and then his lips crash against mine, desperate and needing. He pushes into me, and I stumble back until my back hits the wall. His hips pin me tightly, and I let out a low moan.
My cheeks warm, but Jarron only deepens the kiss, his hands roaming over me. I can feel his desire in every move, in every tension-filled gasp of air, in the way his hands cling to me as if he’s terrified I’ll run away.
He ends the kiss as quickly as he began it, panting hard. “You don’t see yourself clearly, sunshine. You’re perfect.”
I shiver against the certainty in his voice. “I’m stubborn and foolish and a complete coward.”
He growls. “You are not a coward.”
“If I weren’t a coward, I would have faced you after that night you hurt Liz on Myre Island and told you how pissed off I was. I would have started potions work years ago to prove my worth in the supernatural world instead of running away.” Tears well in my eyes. “I would have told you how much it hurt to know you picked her. How much I wanted to it to be me.”
Tears stream down my cheeks. He wipes each one away, methodically, carefully.
“So much of this became more difficult because of my fear.”
He brushes the tears from my cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “We all have flaws, sunshine. That doesn’t make you imperfect.”
I sob out a laugh. “That’s literally what it means.”
“I adore you for your stubborn will. You are strong and brave. And maybe you run from emotionally difficult things, but I am not afraid to fight for you, Candice. So long as I know you want it.”
Butterflies soar through my belly. I close my eyes against the wave of hope that crashes into me.
I’m still scared, still utterly terrified, but I am willing to trust him with my heart.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?” I say, tired of my own avalanche of honesty.
He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m—I’m a mess of emotions, to be honest. I’m filled with hope and relief. There’s immense joy in my heart. But I’m also so incredibly pissed I must fight the urge to hunt down Bea and Trevor and tear them fucking apart.”
I had no idea he was feeling all of those things. He seemed so calm when we arrived back here. Maybe that was just a front, hiding the fact that he was about ready to explode.
“I’m in awe. And sorry for the pain you’ve gone through and the fear you have now. I’m also terrified because something is wrong back home, and I might have to leave…” He looks over his shoulder toward the empty bedroom, as if someone were there waiting for him.
