Page 30 of A Drop of Anguish
He turns back, that mask of indifference over his face once more, but I can see the pain and confusion in every tight muscle, and it’s killing me. How do I bridge this? How do I assure him I care and trust him but can’t be in a relationship with him? Our feelings are so jumbled up together.
How do I control the ridiculous urge to nestle into his arms? To leap up and kiss him. Those stupid feelings make this so much more difficult.
I rub the back of my neck.
“What do you want, Candice?”
You.
I pause for maybe too long.
He takes a step back. The distance is slight, but I’m suddenly cold, like he’s taken his warmth with him.
I want things to go back to normal, but what does that even mean? I want the comfort and safety of Jarron’s friendship, but what if he no longer wants to give me that? Maybe I’m asking too much. “I want to feel safe in this stupid school. I want people to stop treating me like a power-hungry bitch that would kill my friends for magic. I want Mr. Vandozer to pay for what he did.”
His back straightens, and his face hardens. “You don’t want me or my friendship. You want what I can do for you.”
My stomach drops. “No. That’s not what I’m saying.” I don’t need his help, but I do want it. There’s a difference. And I’m a little annoyed that he left me vulnerable. Doesn’t he care?
“You see me as a means to an end.”
I fight back frustrated tears. He meant so much to me when we were friends all those years ago. I was an idiot and ruined it by pushing him away, and somehow, it turns out I’ve done that again. I ruin everything. “That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? You want me back here to make everything better. Make the Elite like you again. Track down your villain for you. I’m a tool to be used to you. Same as everyone else.”
“I thought we’d work together,” I say through gritted teeth.I thought I mattered to you. “But clearly, you don’t think I’m capable of being an equal partner since Ineedyour help so badly. So, go ahead and treat me like a weak human, and I’ll prove you wrong along with everyone else.”
He pauses, eyes softening. “I don’t think you’re weak. And I am willing to help you. I’m still working to find Mr. Vandozer. That hasn’t changed.”
“Right,” I say bitterly. “You obviously need to get revenge on the person who hurt Liz.”
“The person who hurtyou,” he says quickly.
I don’t respond to that, in part because I’m fairly certain whatever would come out of my mouth next would only make this worse.
“Fine,” I whisper. “We’ll be allies but not friends. We’ll only ever talk if something comes up about the Akrasia Games or Mr. Vandozer. Other than that, we’re nothing to each other.” And I’ll deal with the rest of it on my own. I won’t ask him for any help if he doesn’t want to give it.
Jarron sucks in a breath, but I don’t wait for another reaction. I turn on my heel and speed away from the demon prince that still holds my heart without even knowing it.
13
Not The Flowers My Heart Wanted But Maybe The Ones I Deserve
Iwake up with a pounding headache, eyes burning from crying myself to sleep, my journal clutched to my chest.
Jarron left me a note at the end when he returned it. It’s the only words we’d shared since that night until yesterday.
I will never leave you alone to face your nightmares.
Lies. Those words were lies because I’m facing my worst nightmare now.
Losing him.
Worst of all, it was my own doing.
I shake my head. It’s a new day, and I’m supposed to put all of this behind me. If I don’t get some makeup on, food and water in my belly, everyone will see my puffy eyes and know how pathetic I am.
But when I sit up, something rustles in the corner of my vision. I twist to find a massive, beautiful bouquet of flowers. Calla lilies so dark they almost look black but are actually in varying shades of blues, reds, and purples.
