Page 70 of A Drop of Anguish
“I still don’t understand.”
He’s battling with his demon about me, that’s the truth I’ve uncovered, but I still don’t fully grasp what that means. How? Why?
“I don’t understand you either,” he admits.
I allow a small, bitter smile to spread on my face.
He’s still standing so close I can feel this warmth. For a moment, I think he might kiss me. I desperately hope he does.
There’s a flood of emotions overwhelming me.
Jarron must read something in my expression because there’s a flicker of disappointment on his face. He pulls away, wiping all emotion from his expression.
He’s become an expert at masking his feelings.
I know I hurt him in several ways. I wish I was brave enough to blurt out all my fears. But again, I hide. I don’t ask him if he’s battling his demon because it doesn’t want me. I don’t ask him why his demon seems protective of me.
I don’t ask why he chose my sister all those years ago. What did she have that I didn’t? I know those kinds of questions are pointless. Love and devotion don’t work so logically, and even if they did, I could name a thousand reasons why Liz was better than me. I would’ve chosen her too if I were him.
I just want someone to choose me back.
Maybe that’s what he needs. He needs me to be selfless enough to choose his love, despite the rejection. Maybe a chosen love could be more powerful than a fated one.
I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to do that.
I grab my bag from the bartop, and Jarron escorts me out of the speakeasy, and out of Elite Hall.
“We can start over, right?” Jarron says softly. “At the whole friend thing.”
I bite the inside of my lip and shift from foot to foot. “Yeah.”
“Come to Elite Hall this weekend.”
My stomach twists pleasantly. More memories flash through my mind. Times when we were so uncertain and yet comfortable. There was structure in our relationship then, though. Even when I was confused, there was purpose behind our time together.
Now—now we’d be spending time together just because we want to. And somehow, that’s so very, very different.
And yet, I want to be his friend. The last thing I want is to lose him. “What will we do?”
“Anything you want. Want access to the Elite library again? Go for it. Want another chai? I’ve got you.”
I smile. Honestly, both of those things sound wonderful, and I also want to spend time with him. And that’s basically what we’re doing now, right?
“Or if you want to start with something with a bit less pressure, Stassi has been badgering me about throwing a party. I could do that. You could bring Lola and Janet.” His voice drops. “Even Thompson if you want.”
My eyebrows rise. Now, that’s an idea. I can’t tell if it’s a great one or a terrible one, but it’s interesting.
He’s right though; the pressure would be lower.
People wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Just a demon prince throwing a party and inviting his ex and her friends. Maybe it would be a good way to ease back into a public friendship.
“Okay.” I nod. “A party is—well, possibly a really bad idea, but let’s do it.”
31
Friendship Therapy
Isit with Janet and Lola in the common room. We have the entire room to ourselves tonight. A silly witch movie plays in the background while Lola does her homework and Janet whispers stories about her time in Major Hall with Marcus.
