Page 76 of A Drop of Anguish
“Everything,” I say quickly.
“It doesn’t change how Jarron feels. He’s in love with you.”
I bite my lip.
“But he didn’tchooseher. That matters,” Janet says. “Don’t get me wrong, I agree that he’s in love with Candice and maybe it shouldn’t matter in the long term, but I get how this could feel… not good.”
Lola’s frown deepens. She doesn’t seem to agree.
“Okay, wait, though,” Janet says quickly. “The source of this information is still Mr. Vandozer.”
I nod.
“First of all, do you really trust what Mr. Vandozer says?”
“I trust that he believed it.” That wasn’t manipulation; he believed what he was saying.
“Hmm, so you believe the information is accurate?” Janet asks.
I nod. “Bea strongly implied it as well. I asked Trevor outright after everything happened, and he’s the one who told me Jarron would never admit to it. I can’t ask Jarron because he won’t tell me. Or can’t, I’m not sure. But no matter what happens, I’ll always wonder. It’s irrelevant if it’s true or not, it affects me the same.”
“So, Mr. Vandozer wins, then,” Lola says in a quiet voice. Her wings are still again.
Janet nods absently, staring at the spell book, like she understands exactly what Lola means. It’s only me who’s confused. “Wins?”
“Did you ever think there’s a good reason outsiders aren’t supposed to know who a demon’s chosen is?” Lola hops up from the floor and flutters in front of my nose.
I press my lips together, and I wait for her to go on.
“Do you believe Jarron wants you? Maybe even loves you?” she asks.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“And what if you had never learned this fun fact? If Mr. Vandozer had never told you about Liz being Jarron’s chosen, what would have happened?”
My lips part. I don’t know.
“It would’ve never even been a question in your mind. You’d still be with him. You’d be happy. He’d be happy. And you’d never have even known the difference.”
I bite my lip.
Janet nods as Lola continues giving me the slap in the face I didn’t know I needed and still don’t know what to do with.
“Even if it’s true information, you’re letting him win. He told you to hurt you. To hurt Jarron. And it’s working.”
Janet taps her finger against her lips as she considers. My heart throbs. This conversation hasn’t gone how I’d expected, but then again, I wasn’t sure what to expect.
#
We sit therein silence for a while, the pain of this terrible truth settling in for all three of us.
“Lola has a point,” Janet says eventually.
My next breath trembles. Are they both telling me I should try to forget it? Date the boy who should have been my sister’s epic love and pretend I never learned this ugly truth?
“Don’t get me wrong, I completely understand how painful it is, and I don’t blame you at all for pushing him away. You’re coping the only way you know how.”
Hiding.That thought is sharp and painful. That’s how I cope with things I can’t handle—I hide from them. Is that why I haven’t said it outright? Why I haven’t screamed and cried to Jarron, “Why didn’t you pick me?”
