Page 66 of Henhouse
“I’m willing to break a couple rules if you are,” Theo said, his voice laden with unspoken feeling.
“If I’d break them with anyone, it would be you,” Effie breathed, and the truth of it rattled in her chest. She set her teacup back on the tray and melted into Theo’s embrace. Her lips found his again. It was like going home, and that terrified Effie more than anything.
32
Birdsong floated through the open window, harbinger of another rising sun. The cool grey of predawn was a blanket Effie didn’t want to unfurl from. A new day meant dealing with the fallout from last night’s dinner, confronting her family, and calling them out for their bad behavior. Standing up for herself and being the squeaky wheel. The thought alone churned her stomach.
She turned to Theo, his bare chest still rising and falling in cadence with a deep slumber. Effie wore her usual satin pajamas, but Theo was stripped down to his boxers. Apparently, he’d been wearing shorts and tees to make her more comfortable but dared express his desire for less clothing last night. Although, if Effie was being honest it made it far less appealing to remain celibate when the barriers were fewer.
It couldn’t be later than five o’clock but between the chirping birds and her reeling thoughts, Effie knew she was awake for good. She envied Theo’s ability to sleep through anything—well, when properly outfitted for sleep. He’d been much more restless beneath theconstraints of his modest-making attire. Effie smiled to herself, the thought of that little discomfort and sacrifice on her behalf making her heart swell. It was immediately drowned out with worry about how else she might be keeping him constricted.
The sheets clung to her clammy skin as she rolled over to face the open window. Heat seared through her in waves of humiliation. The onslaught of her family had done a number on her. Theo was right, they weren’t shaming him. They were essentially saying Effie couldn’t handle herself, that she was naive, doe-eyed, and too inexperienced to win the heart of a man like Theo. A subtle reminder that the way she moved through the world was not enough to find love in someone as handsome, strong, confident, and sensual as Theo Tillerman. Not that being able to please a man in bed had ever kepttheirmen loyal. If she thought about it too long it would become a hurt that would be hard to forgive and move past. She didn’t want that, not when all was said and done the Thatcher women were her family, her home. The air felt heavy in her lungs.Home. It had felt like home in Theo’s arms last night like wherever he existed was where she belonged too.Thatwas a terrifying thought. Her whole life she’d been taught to only belong to herself.
Theo’s arm landed heavily around her middle as he snuggled into her. “You’re burning up. Are you feeling okay?” His voice was thick with sleep, eyes struggling to open in the dim light. He propped himself up beside her, the back of his hand coming to rest on her forehead like a ye olde thermometer. Once satisfied that she wasn’t succumbing to the plague, he placed a comforting hand against her cheek. The cool rush of his skin on hers was a relief.
“Couldn’t fall back asleep,” she murmured. “Thinking too much.”
“Worrying, you mean.”
“Is there truly a difference?”
“Yes. All worrying is thinking but not all thinking is worrying,” he mused.
“Tell me, are you always so profound before six a.m.?”
“Stick around and you might find out.” He lowered a kiss to her lips, tentative, questioning. A different kind of heat rushed through her and she tugged him closer with a hand to the back of his neck, greedy for a deep distraction. Emotion burned her throat. She wanted this, wanted him. Chloe. Lily. Hannah.Had they wanted him too? Did she deserve to hold him when they hadn’t?Her mouth moved against his, letting every pent-up desire wash away the worries she’d drawn in the sand. She took his bottom lip with her teeth and let her kisses show him how much she wanted him, how much lived on the other side of the line that wouldn’t be crossed.
Theo settled on top of her, his hips between her thighs, and she forgot all of the others’ names for a too-brief moment. Effie decided that this was why people succumbed to physicality; it was an excellent way to keep the serious stuff at bay.
She kissed him harder, and he turned to putty in her hands as her tongue found his, as she raked her nails down his back. If she could stay in this space of bliss, this moment of connection, they could stay happy. But Effie’s brain was a force to be reckoned with and it always reached a tipping point where it spoke up, reminded her not to go too far, not to be too vulnerable, not to make plans. Idiots weren’t the only ones to crash motorcycles.
She pulled back quickly after another deep, claiming kiss. Theo huffed a laugh, his breath uneven, arms shaking. “Well, fuck. Goodmorning to you too.” He caressed her face and drank her in for a tortuous moment before he rolled back onto his side, head resting on a propped elbow.
Effie looked at him curiosity trumping doubt. “You’re not mad I stopped?”
“Why would I be mad?”
“Because you want more.”
“I want you, Effie. Whatever that looks like. I’m not in any rush, but it’s getting a bit tiring trying to convince you of that.”
“It’s not who you are,” Effie said flatly. “You don’t like to wear pajamas.” He’d already made little sacrifices for her happiness. She didn’t want him to change for her.
Theo jerked to sitting, muscles tensing in what Effie assumed was irritation. “Okay? And who am I?”
He sounded hurt. She supposed that made sense. She should have stopped it before it turned into an actual argument, but her brain was winning despite the pleas of her heart. “You’re . . . I don’t know. You’re Theo. You’re sexy and creative and masculine. You drive a motorcycle and wear leather without looking like a hipster. You’re a sexual person and use it as a way to see if a relationship is worth pursuing.”Theo.Salted caramel chocolates.Sexy. Cinnamon sticks.Relationship. Royal icing.
“If you were being you then you’d have bedded me to see if we were a good fit.”
“Bedded you?” Theo’s brows reached his luscious hairline. He took a deep breath. Then another. She’d seen him meditate, sage swirling around him on his pouf in the corner of the apartment, but this felt forced. This felt like a tool to keep a lid on his temper. She didn’t carefor it.
But it seemed to work because his voice when it emerged wasn’t angry or measured. It was earnest in a heartbreaking kind of way.
“I like how our relationship is going. I like learning new ways of being intimate. I like that I am doing things with you in a way I’ve never done before. It feels right because this isn’t like anything I’ve known before. Effie, I lo—”
“Don’t.” The word escaped before she could leash it.
Theo deflated. Her strong, confident, charismatic man slumped at her rejection. “Why are you doing this?”
