Page 73 of The Russian Pakhan's Forced Bride
Shaking my head, I can’t find it in me to believe him so easily. “Even you know that’s a promise you can’t make…you just can’t. Not in your world. I can’t spend every day wondering if your car will explode the next time I get into it.”
Roman’s face hardens at that, and I can tell I’ve at least bruised his ego. It’s obvious he doesn’t like being told what is and isn’t within his realm of capability.
It’s not my intention to hurt him, but I need to protect myself. To survive.
After a brief moment of stifling silence between us, I continue past him. “I need air…”
I can tell he wants to reach for me, but he doesn’t. “Victoria—”
“No,” I mutter, continuing out of the living room without looking behind me.
Despite the spacious hallway, it feels more narrow than ever before as I move through it, eventually reaching the back door leading to the backyard.
Pushing my way outside, the night air is near freezing, but I welcome the way it pulls the heat out of my skin.
Sucking in a deep breath, I close my eyes and try to keep myself as calm as possible, but my thoughts are a mess, and my heart feels like it’s about to jump out of my chest.
I’ve been trying recently to sort through my thoughts and make sense of how I feel about everything.
But after these last few months, I find myself mourning what I once had…the safe, comfortable life I made before Roman tore it all into tiny pieces.
Time passes while I stand there at the edge of the pool, watching as the water ripples beneath the moonlight, but I don’t know for how long.
Eventually, I catch the sound of his footsteps behind me. His voice is closer than I anticipate.
“You regret this, don’t you?”
The words feel like an icy hand gripping the back of my neck.
“I don’t know what I regret anymore,” I murmur, watching the palm trees gently sway through the breeze. “But I miss waking up without fear festering in my chest. I miss not questioning everything, or wondering what else might go wrong.”
Roman doesn’t say anything for a long while, then his words reach me in a quiet, careful voice.
“We can figure this out, Victoria…I know we can.”
“You keep saying that, but how am I supposed to believe it? How are we going to raise a child in a world where our enemies are waiting to gun us down? And what happens when Maxim finds out about the baby?”
Roman steps forward, hands sliding to my waist while he holds me from behind. “Then Maxim dies.”
His answer is cold and simple. And while it’s certainly a solution, it’s also a problem.
Swallowing hard, I don’t pull away, but my heart aches with indecision. “That’s not a life, Roman…that’s a never-ending war, and I don’t know how much more I can take.”
Despite the way his hands tense faintly at my words, he lets go of a breath and wraps an arm around my stomach while he leans down, pressing his cheek against my head.
“War is what I’m good at…But I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t wantusto be at war—not with each other,” I murmur, feeling a burning in my heart at the confusion surrounding everything. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“So long as you are my wife and the mother of my child, I will handle everything…I will fix this.”
I want to believe him more than anything, but it feels so out of reach.
This life doesn’t feel sustainable, and I don’t know if either of us is cut out for the balance required.
As comforting as his touch feels, letting me know that he means it, that guilt seeps into my chest anyway.
Along the way, Roman sparked feelings for him in me…he somehow got to me and made me see the possibility of being something genuine.
