Page 53 of The Vow We Made
12
Aftershock
Every day for the last three weeks, I’ve visited Victoria at her parents’ home, between and after my shifts. Her mobility is poor and she’s limited to what she can do. I know it can’t be easy for any of them, but I think her mother is enjoying having her home.
I take fresh flowers whenever I get time; Gerberas mostly as I’ve learned how much she loves them, plus I throw in Victoria’s guilty pleasure when we’re guaranteed to be alone. Lamb donner kebabs from her favourite place on Old Brompton Road are her weakness but banned from the family home. Her mother hates the smell.
Victoria no longer has to tell me which cosmetics she prefers or the brand of fresh lemony shampoo she uses. I find myself in Boots picking up various items on a near daily basis because she’s run out of one thing or another. I also know how Vaseline intensive care is her favourite body lotion as I massage it into her un-cast leg most days. It’s a job she could do herself, but for some reason, she likes me to take care of it.
In a weird way, I like her vulnerability and maybe if she didn’t have her leg in plaster, I’d never get to see this side. I take it as a good thing, although I’m never completely comfortable with my link to her husband, it’s thrown me off course. I try to immerse myself in work, but my distraction tactics last for as long as I can keep my mind away from her, which is never.
The truth is, I can’t decide if she’d thank me for coming clean. There’s a possibility she’d see me differently. But then again, if I don’t, do I risk it coming out in the future? Surely it would be worse if Victoria didn’t hear it from me. I don’t want to hurt anyone here and the longer it takes to make up my mind, the worse it will be so I decide I could do with some guidance.
It’s 8.30 in the evening and I’ve just finished a long and gruelling shift. We had an impossible situation with an influx of walk-in patients and a back-up of trollies in the corridors. There were no beds available in any of the wards and we were unable to transfer patients needing after-care to the relevant departments. Add to this a man who threw constant abuse at the reception staff because he’d been waiting over four hours to be seen and you have yourself a typical night in A&E. Each member of the team works hard to give the best possible care they can, but we don’t always have the staff or resources and it can be soul destroying. I’m physically exhausted and should go home to sleep, but I have something I need to take care of and I don’t think I’ll rest until it’s done. Earlier today, in between the waiting patients and paperwork, I left Steph a voicemail. I don’t know what else to do so I’ve finally reached out to someone who could help.
As the automatic doors open, the winter wind blows a gust of bitter cold air around me. I take a step back and decide to stay in the warm for a minute longer while answering the vibrating phone in my pocket. Part of me hopes Victoria is on the other end of the line, I could do with hearing a friendly voice, but it’s my brother’s name lighting up the phone.
“Aidey-boy—”
“I’m knackered Will. I won’t be going out tonight. Call Luke and see if he’s free—”
“I’m not after a beer, I’ve been ordered to deliver you to Steph’s place.”
I rub at my eyes, “What did Steph—” then it registers, “Did she say why?”
“Something about you two having a talk? If I were Steph, I wouldn’t bother, ya grumpy bastard.”
Instinctively, I leave the main entrance and glance over my shoulder to find my big brother leaning against the door of his cab. I continue talking while I walk towards him. “Bloody hell Will, do you ever do any work in that cab of yours?”
“Sometimes, but if a beautiful woman calls, I’m all over it.” The smug git. “Oh no. You’re not going there. Tell me you haven’t already.”
His stupid grin spreads across his face as I reach him. “A gentleman never tells.”
“You’ve got to be joking. If you fuck this up, I will personally kill you.”
“Don’t start with me bruv, I’ve been sent here for one reason and that’s to do you a favour. She said it would be a nice gesture or something on account of you sounding so stressed on the phone. Now get in the car and behave. You always were a spoilt little shit.” He holds his grin as he gets in his cab and unfortunately for me, it’s infectious. We don’t do serious very well and as I fall into the back seat, I’m laughing the whole thing off, despite my internal worries. My brother can’t keep it in his trousers. I’d hate to see Steph get hurt, although from what I’ve seen so far, I bet she’d have his balls in spaghetti sauce if he ever did a thing wrong.
I rub my hands down my face and let out a groan.
“What’s up?” Will asks.
Now is my chance to have a word and find out exactly what he’s playing at. “I want to ask you something, but don’t get stroppy, okay?”
“Alright.”
“You know I love you, but—”
“Don’t sugar-coat it Aidey.”
I huff out a laugh, “Okay then. We both know you’re a shit boyfriend for any woman. Are you really serious about Steph or is this just a fling? I’d rather know so I can prepare for the aftermath and all the crap headed my way when you break her heart.”
He takes in a deep breath. “Well that’s just typical of you bruv. You’re putting a dampener on us before you’ve given me a chance. Can you just give me the benefit of the doubt on this one and let me see where it goes? I like her a lot and don’t want to jinx it, so for now—”
I hold up my hands. “Alright. I won’t interfere but if you do the dirty—”
“I’m doing my best to make this time around different.”
Will tries to make small talk on our way over but my nerves and head are all over the place. How do I bring up this uncomfortable topic with Steph when I’m trying to make peace with the facts myself? Perhaps I should have run this one by Will first? He’s not only my brother, but my best mate and we can talk through almost anything together. I say almost anything as work is not a subject we’d usually cover, but there’s a difference this time. It’s personal. Maybe, I’ll tell them both at the same time. Whatever it is I’m about to do, I have to make my mind up quick. We’ve arrived and Steph is waiting at the door, twirling her hair around her fingers while taking in every inch of Will. He slaps my back. “Shall I leave you here or do you want some moral support bruv?”
