Page 55 of The Vow We Made
“You treated Andy?” There’s a tremor to her voice as she sits, glassy-eyed and expressionless.
I nod slowly, all my energy sapped. “I did. I also broke the news of his death to Victoria. I didn’t realise until you told me about the wedding day but now the memories are flooding back.”
A case so poignant doesn’t happen every day and my stomach twists with the images in my memory. It was bad enough when I realised I was the doctor in charge, but as a tsunami of thoughts rush through my brain, my situation is as low as it can be.
I reach for Steph’s hand. “I promise you, I had no idea before now. The doctor treating Victoria after her recent accident, came across the notes and brought it to my attention. Aaron’s a good friend and thought I’d already know, but up until now, I’d pushed any recollection of that night so deep inside, I couldn’t remember anything at all. Even when I read the notes, I couldn’t remember Andrew specifically. I understand why Aaron told me, butfuck, I wish he hadn’t.”
Will sits on the other side of Steph. His hand rubbing her outstretched arm. “Can I get you another cup of tea babe?” He doesn’t know how to react and if I were in his shoes, I’d probably be the same.
As if ignoring Will’s offer of comfort in a cup, Steph’s faraway tone carries on. “Andy was Victoria’s world and after he died…” Her voice fades into the background. I don’t know if my mind is playing tricks, but visions of Steph in a lilac dress, trying desperately to comfort Victoria, flood back so vividly.
“I’m so sorry Steph. There was nothing I could do. His internal injuries were so severe and despite trying, we ran out of time.”
Her tears begin to flow and I glance at Will as he takes Steph in his arms. “It’s alright babe. It’s alright.” This is tough on Will and the most we’ve ever talked about what I do, mainly because he’s squeamish, but also because it’s wrong to discuss my work outside of the hospital. This is the first time I’ve been so open about any of my patients.
“You don’t understand,” Steph sobs, “I’m not crying for Andy, it’s Victoria who—.” She stops abruptly and glances up to the ceiling. “Oh God. I can’t talk about this.” Rising from her seat, Steph retrieves some kitchen roll from the side and sighs. “I need a minute to let this sink in.”
I rub my eyes with my thumb and forefinger before turning my attention back to Steph. “I’m sorry. I’ve put you in an awkward position. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, you should. I’m glad you’ve spoken to me. You could easily walk away from the whole thing and Victoria would never know why. She’d doesn’t need any upset right now.” She shakes her head while staring straight ahead. “What I don’t understand is why I didn’t recognise you and still don’t.” Her brows snap together. “I don’t remember you at all, Aiden and I’m normally good with names and faces.”
“The brain likes to block things out sometimes. Who knows how it works.” I don’t have a good enough explanation to give her, especially when I’ve had the same trouble myself.
There’s a paused silence before Steph says, “I want to help, I mean, that is why you’re telling me, isn’t it? Or did you need a sounding board, because I can be that too.”
I half smile, “I honestly don’t know. Maybe both.”
Steph wipes her eyes, screws up the tissue in her hand then takes in a deep breath. “Can I be completely honest Aiden?”
“I’m hoping you will be.”
“Alright then. I don’t think now is a good time to tell her any of this. You should hold fire.”
My eyes narrow as the uncertainty of her suggestions sinks in. “Steph, I can’t. It isn’t in me to—”
“Think about it Aiden, what good will it do?” She comes back to her seat then places her hands flat on the table in front of her. “If it wasn’t for Victoria’s accident, both of you would be blissfully unaware. There’s no need for that to change and I can’t imagine how she’d find out in the future, unless you decide to tell her.”
For a few seconds, all I do is stare into space. “Fuck, this is a nightmare.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” Her tone is steady and firm when she adds, “If you go steaming in with this information, it might backfire. Why risk losing something that could be amazing. Vickie doesn’t date just anyone, in fact, she didn’t date a soul after Andy died, until she met you. It would be such a shame to let that go to waste. Don’t you agree Will?”
She turns to my brother. “Absolutely treacle. I hate to say it bruv, but she’s got a point. That’s sound advice right there.”
Steph’s kind eyes focus back to me. “Victoria’s had a hell of a time these past few years so why don’t you be the one to give her a little peace.”
Could she be right? I don’t want it to get in the way of what we’re building together and it could do more harm than good.
“Please, trust me Aiden.” She smiles.
“I’ll be honest Steph, I’m relying on the fact that you know Victoria much better than I do. It’s the reason I’m spilling my guts out here, but I want you to know, I’m not in the habit of lying—”
“You’re not lying.”
“Then why does it feel like I am?” My hands fist and I focus towards them on my lap. Steph dips, trying to catch my eyes with hers. Then her hand falls to my shoulder. “I want to help you Aiden, but I think you need to take some time out to process this yourself and then bury it.”
I glance at her sideways. “Maybe.” I can tell she only wants the best for Victoria and that has to count for something. Nevertheless, I’m totally confused. “Listen, I’m going to go. I need to clear my head and maybe a walk will do me good.”
Steph opens her mouth to speak but Will steps in, standing from his seat. “I’ll see you out.”
