Page 72 of Where She Is
I feel the heat of my blood as it runs through my veins. It gives me superpowers, and a strange sensation takes over. I am defiant and with that defiance comes an out-of-character action. I shout at the top of my voice, “IF HE WANTS ME, HE WILL HAVE TO COME AND GET ME HIMSELF!”
I’ve let the whole bar know how mad I am while poor Maddie tries to hide under the table.
I feel sorry for Jack as I refuse again to leave with him. Daniel will have a fit when he gets that call, but I’m passed caring. Five glasses of Dutch courage will do that for you, and my head is all fuzzy.
My eyes are playing up.I’m sure there’s a wine glass heresomewhere.I notice Jack exit the bar.Excellent. Now I can concentrate on drinking myself into oblivion. It feels good.
Maddie reaches over the table and rubs my arm. “You can’t go on like this. Either talk to him or finish it. Getting drunk isn’t the answer.”
“That’s what he said to me once.” My sniffs turn to sobs. Uncontrollable, shoulder hunching, ugly ones. I could do with a tissue to wipe my running nose, and I bet I have black mascara tracks down my cheeks.
“No more wine, Hannah. Let’s get you cleaned up in the ladies.”
I sorrowfully nod while she helps me off my stool and leads me towards the loo. It takes some serious concentration to put one foot in front of the other. She is so thoughtful, wiping away my tears and telling me it will be all right. Perhaps it’s the only thing she can do. I’m too drunk to absorb any words of wisdom.
I realise how packed this place is once we’re settled in new seats. It seemed to happen quickly, or maybe we were gone longer than I realised. Maddie heads to the bar and orders me coffee. What would I have done without her?
It’s been about an hour since Jack left and I’ve had a couple of coffees and some water. I can’t say I’m any better, if anything, I feel worse and my stomach wants to reject all the liquid lying on top of it. I ought to head home. I just don’t want to. I can’t face him.
“Maddie, can I stay with you tonight?”
She opens her mouth to answer as a stiff breeze catches our attention from the main doors. “Holy shit!” I’m unable to move a single limb as my body freezes. He walks over and literally chucks me over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift. Hanging the wrong way up churns my insides. I kick my legs and pummel his back with my fists. “Put me down you stupid arse or I’ll puke!”
Daniel locks his arm over my ankles so they’re tight against him, and I’m no longer able to move them.
“You told Jack I should come and get you myself, so here I am. You got what you wanted. You’re coming home!” he shouts over his shoulder.
I begin to cry again. It’s that horrible drunken ‘you don’t understand me’ cry. I know I sound pathetic and I probably look it, but it doesn’t stop me.
“It’s not my home. I don’t want to be with you anymore! I’m going to Maddie’s! Put me down! I don’t want you near me, you cheating bastard!”
“Enough, Hannah!” His hold tightens around my legs and his body is tense. Even in my drunken state, I’m aware I’ve pushed him too far. I hang limply over his back and listen to him talk to Maddie. I catch the name ‘Tabitha’ so he must be explaining himself. Then I hear Maddie relay my wine intake and my crying fit. I feel almost betrayed by her.Why is she not kicking him in the balls? I don’t feel good.I hope I don’t vomit down his back.My body buzzes from head to foot.I’m going to be sick… no… no, I’m ok, just tired… If I close my eyes, will the spinning stop? I need to sleep now… this is better… much better…
The beat of my banging head attacks me before I dare to open my eyes. Someone must have walloped me with a hammer. One eye opens first, to find Daniel sitting in the chair opposite my side of the bed. He’s asleep. I blink and immediately flinch as the sun streams through the gap in the curtains. A shot of pain drives through my pupils so I cower behind my pillow. I rub my eye sockets before I tentatively squint, immediately wishing I hadn’t. There’s an endless number of towels on the carpet and a bucket next to my side. Every muscle in my body aches as I try to sit up. My head is too heavy to balance on my neck and I duck sharply as the pain sweeps across the inside of my brain.
Daniel wakes with a jolt and is by my side quicker than I can comprehend. “Hannah, do you want to be sick again?”
“Again. You mean I’ve already…”
“Very. Do you want to go to the bathroom?”
“No, no, I’m okay. I just need a minute.”
I bring my legs up, wrap my arms around them and lean my forehead on top of my knees. I close my eyes as the realisation hits. I was as drunk as a skunk. Oh shit! What the hell did I do last night?
Daniel places his arm around me, pulling me to his side. I must smell of vomit, although I can’t smell it myself.
“Hannah, do you remember anything from your night out?”
“Uh huh.” I’m getting flashbacks. There was a lot of wine. Shouting at Jack and crying in the loo to Maddie. Oh shit, Maddie! I lift my head from my knees abruptly. God, the pain! “Where’s Maddie?”
“Don’t worry. We dropped her off on the way home.”
I shake my head and put the palm of my hands on either side to hold it in place.
“Can I get you anything? Some water?”
“An axe to cut my damn head off. I don’t need it anymore.” I hear his nervous laugh. “But failing that, I’ll take some painkillers if you have them, please.”
