Page 44 of Where She Is
“It’s true. I’m one hundred percent sure.”
I stop for a second then take a huge gulp of wine, fearing the worst. “Okay, tell me.” I shut my eyes tight as if it will protect me from what Maddie is about to say.
“He had a ‘thing’ with a close friend of mine, Josie. It didn’t last long, a few weeks actually, but he hurt her.”
My drunken, slurred brain tries to reason with me. For a moment I thought Maddie had an affair with him. Thank God it’s not that but still, I’m not stupid. Of course there were womenbefore me. He was married for God’s sake! But the difference is, Maddie knows the details of this relationship.
“Don’t get me wrong, he was good to her when they were together, although he could be a moody bastard and that caused a lot of tears. Despite all his shit, she fell for him hard, but it ended as quickly as it began.”
I sit with my legs crossed and my elbow on my knee. I try desperately to rest my chin on my hand. It slips from my palm continuously while I mumble, “uh-huh” and “yeah.” I’m in dreamland, listening to my friend, while I can’t stop thinking about how the moods are nothing new. This isn’t so bad.
“Hannah, there’s more.”
I smile at her while I try a second attempt to balance my chin.
“Hannah, are you all right? Can I get you some water or coffee?”
“I just want you to finish what you have to say.” I don’t mean to be so loud, or rude. I catch her look from the corner of my eyes, “All right then.” For a minute, she’s silent. After a deep breath, she sighs, “He had a reputation around Sydney. Apparently, he slept with other women while he was with her.”
Never have I sobered up so quickly. I sit up as sickness churns in my stomach. “When was this?”
“About four years ago. Josie couldn’t get over it, so she packed her bags and travelledthe world. She got as far as New York and met someone. Now she lives with him there. I don’t think she’ll ever come back.”
“Do you still speak to her?”
A smile appears on her face, “All the time. She’s a wonderful friend.” She smiles again. “She told me Daniel had given her a gift when he dumped her. It was because of him she got off her arse and travelled. How else would she have met the genuine love of her life?”
I wonder if I’ll be saying the same about Rob one day. Thathe did me a favour. “Then, I’m pleased for her,” I say, in a dream-like state.
“I hope you don’t think I told you to be cruel. I just wanted you to understand what you could be getting into.”
I give her a half smile. I haven’t known her long, but I’m fairly certainshe’s not the malicious type.
“It’s okay, Maddie. Thank you for telling me. I don’t want you to worry. It was four years ago and people change,” I say, hoping I’ve convinced her I’m not affected. She seems re-assured by my response as she pats my arm, but the truth inside my head is different. I’m in turmoil and the room is spinning.
We leave the bar just after nine-thirty, saying our goodbyes and heading in opposite directions. My drunken heart screams a need to be with Daniel and feel the warmth of his body against mine. And anyway, I’m certain he won’t hurt me because I’m different, aren’t I?
I call him but request a pickup from my flat. I can be packed and ready to leave by the time he arrives. I also need some time to think and sober up a little more. The fresh air cleanses my face, as I debate about what I’ve been told. What the hell happened to this man? I’m so confused. It doesn’t add up for me. Rightly or wrongly, I wanted to be with him because I didn’t see the drug hunting playboy everyone was so keen to tell me about. All I saw was a man who had tragically lost his wife and found it hard to deal with. He was trying to rebuild his life with the help of his family. The only negative I’ve witnessed is the schoolboy mood and I’m sure he could learn to control that.
I reach Daniel’s home just after ten-thirty. Between packing my bag and the silent journey in the car, I’ve decided what I’ll do. I’m grateful to Maddie. She was honest with me about what happened to her friend, but it was a long time ago. Daniel couldhave changed since then and that’s what I have to hold on to. I’ll take him at his word. He wants us to work and I believe him. No more judgements from anyone else. I have to make my own mind up and stop listening to hearsay. I want to know the man behind the gossip.
Jack escorts me to the front door and carries my bags. He still hasn’t said a thing to me. As I enter the house, Daniel’s unshaven, charming smile is the first thing I see. I think he is genuinely pleased to see me.
“I can take it from here, thank you, Jack.” Leaning forward, he takes my bag from his trusty driver. Jack, although still silent, nods his head and turns to leave. Daniel takes my hand and pulls me gently through to the lounge, and once the door clicks, I’m pounced on by a passionate man and his eager mouth. “I’ve missed you so fucking much today,” he says between each lingering kiss.
Despite my overload of fresh information, I’m happy I came back. I want to be with him and help him deal with the demons and angels that haunt his soul. I want us to enjoy each other without the silly arguments, although I can’t resist teasing him a little. “Has someone got a guilty conscience about their hissy fit?”
He smirks, huffing out a chuckle, “All right, you got me. I’ve already confessed to being a fuckwit.”
“I know,” my laughter fades, “but if you really want me, you’ve got to work on that. I don’t understand why your mood turns so quickly. It scares me.”
Daniel lifts the back of my hands to his mouth where he places a very long slow kiss. His eyes close as if to channel his determination through that kiss. “I would never hurt you and I certainly don’t want to scare you.” His now opened eyes lock with mine, “I will try. I promise.”
“That’s all I ask, Daniel, because I find it hard to deal with. It’s as if we’re just getting somewhere and then you throw yourtoys out of the pram and we are back to square one. I can’t do this if it carries on.” My firm stance on this issue surprises even me. Normally the men in my life take all the control, but this time, I have reached my limits. His hand tightens around mine as his lips connect with my skin, caressing every finger.
“I don’t want to lose you. I’m sorry I’ve acted like a prick and I’ll do whatever it takes to put it right.” Sincerity shines through his eyes as our smiling mouths touch once again and his arms wrap around my waist. This is the man I want. Not the man Maddie and Matthew seem to think he is. My head is still fuzzy from the wine, but I can remember everything Maddie said tonight. I bet some people will think I’m crazy to ignore her warning and there must be something in Matthew’s gossip, but half of me thinks that was the old Daniel. People can change. I won’t ignore their warnings, just process them slowly and deal with them if I have to. For now, my only goal is to get to know and understand the real Daniel Grant. We’ve reached a point where our relationship could ultimately move forward to a more positive place.
I don’t return to my flat for the rest of the week. We’re having far too much of a good time.
