Page 93 of Kindling
“Aye, I suppose I will.”
“Good lad.”
Mum was soon called away by one of her many friends, and then it was just him and Eiley. Her gaze was overbearing as she folded her arms, waiting. She knew him better than to believe he really was okay, and she clearly wasn’t afraid to make that clear. “Liar.”
“Shut up.” It was almost a plea.
“Say it. You miss her.”
He scratched the back of his neck, which prickled with heat.
This was a celebration she’d planned. Of course he’d wanted her here. Wanted to thank her properly for all she’d given him. Wanted to show her how much he appreciated her unwavering belief in him.
Most of all, he’d just wanted the pleasure of her company. There was none like it, no one else who made him feel so…at home. Like he wasn’t just surviving, but wonderfully, effortlessly alive.
No. He’d just fooled himself into feeling that way. All because he’d wanted to know what rest, belonging, and happiness felt like, after years of trying to run from them.
He brushed a hand across his stinging ribs absently, dipping his head.
“Don’t want to,” he said stubbornly, sounding like a petulant child.
She tutted. “Well, when you stop being a boy about it, I’m here.”
“I know.” He wrapped his arms around her, balancing his chin on her head. It wasn’t nearly enough thanks, but until the lump in his throat cleared, it would have to do. “How are you? And the kids?”
She let out a long sigh. “You know what? I think I’m okay. It’s still hard, but life has been a lot more peaceful since I blocked Finlay’s number, and the kids don’t seem to miss him much. Brook asks about him sometimes, but he’s soon distracted.”
“Good.” He was relieved to find she looked better, too, her complexion rosy and her hair a little glossier with the haircut Cam had given her a few nights ago. She’d even put on makeup, something she rarely had the time or energy for, and he hoped that meant she might be ready for new beginnings, too. She certainly deserved them.
“I think I’m going to take some driving lessons,” she admitted. “It isn’t fair that you’re always running around after us all. I want to be the one to take Mum to her hospital appointments sometimes, or take the kids out on day trips.”
He frowned. Did she think he’d had enough of taking care of them? That could never be true. “You know I don’t mind doing all that stuff.”
“I know, butIwould like to, too.” She licked her lips, eyes turning damp. “Fraser, you were never allowed to just be our brother. You had to be our dad, too. I think you’re still holding onto that, and I think it’s part of why you let Harper go.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but she placed a finger over his lips quickly.
“You need to stop, now. I love you so much for caring, but it’s time for you to just be our brother again. Put yourself first. Okay?”
He sagged in defeat. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time he stopped treating his mum and sisters like they were made of glass. He’d seen them go through hell and back in so many ways, and it wasn’t him that had kept them going. It was their own resilience, and the love they shared with Sorcha and the kids.
His gaze fell to his shoes. He’d thought his busy schedule, juggling all the responsibilities he thrust upon himself every day, stopped him being capable of love, but nothing had stopped him from thinking about Harper this week. Not even when Andy had shouted loud enough to shake the new staircase because Jack had scratched the paintwork.
He’d even opened a bloody TikTok account to start promoting his business after all Harper’s social media advice, and it was gaining momentum quickly. He’d done all the things he’d thought would replace the gap in his heart where she’d been… and they hadn’t. It didn’t matter how many responsibilities he had,how busy he was, how many people he tried to support. He still wanted her here. Sheshouldhave been here. He never should have pushed her away, never should have treated his own love for her like a burden. So what if he didn’t want to be casual? So what if falling was terrifying?
She was worth it. She’d given him a new zest for life, renewed hope, and losing her hadn’t saved him. It had broken him.
“Call her,” Eiley whispered. She picked up one of the figurines from the table: the blonde fairy he’d carved for Harper. She’d left it on her writing desk, and it was just another part of her he’d wanted to bring with him tonight. It didn’t have a price sticker like all the others. He wouldn’t dare let it go. “Better yet, go to Manchester andbewith her. If not for you, then for me. I want my friend back.”
He had no response to that, so he didn’t try to come up with one. He couldn’t just go off to Manchester. He didn’t even know where he’d find her.
Hecouldcall her, though.
He could tell her, at the very least, how sorry he was.
34
Harper stepped out of the cab, turning her face to the golden glow of Flockhart’s. Inside, silhouettes danced and weaved, and she allowed herself a smile. The party was going well, then.
