Page 54 of Fireworks
Eiley was stunned into silence as his voice travelled over the Highlands. She waited, half-expecting somebody to pop their heads out of the grass and tell them to shut up. But after moments, the moo of a nearby brown cow was his only response.
“I feel better already,” he said. “Your turn.”
She laughed, dumbfounded and a little awed by his show of honesty. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Why? Nobody can hear you up here.”
Hecould. And somehow, it felt as though somebody was always judging her, a shadowed figure waiting in the wings. She didn’t know where that insecurity came from, thoughshe’d read that many autistic people felt as though they were being observed, always struggling with the pressure to mask their neurodivergent traits even when alone. She’d picked up the books initially to help support and understand Sky, but there were a lot of things that rang true for her, too. A lot of symptoms she’d tried to bury through the years because they made her feel more alienated.Wrong.
She would never, ever use that word to describe Sky, but it was whatshefelt like. She didn’t know her place, and every time she tried to discover it, it just left her more confused.
She couldn’t say it. Not in front of Warren, not in front of anyone. Maybe not even to herself.
Warren must have realised that she wasn’t going to shout with him, because he braced himself to do it alone again, chest puffed out and back arched. “I fuckinghatethat I can’t save everyone!”
When his voice cracked, Eiley felt like she was plummeting straight off the edge.
“What happened?” she prompted, as gently as she could over the roaring wind.
Warren’s lips pressed into a thin, downturned line. “A lad, barely twenty, came off the road last night. Crushed in his own car after hitting a wall. We spent all night trying to get him out, but we lost him in the end. All I could do was stay with him while he went. We were so fucking close, too.”
She couldn’t imagine witnessing such tragedies and still getting up in the morning. Still finding a reason to keep going. “How often do you have to deal with those things?”
“Most of the time, there’s at least a bit of a happy ending. We get them to hospital, safe and sound, or the fire is put out. But there’s always some jobs that feel like a test. And when I fail, I can’t help but feel … I don’t know. Too much. I should be used to it by now, but …”
“But you care so much,” she finished for him, because she’d seen it and only now understood what, exactly,itwas. His obsession with rules and safety existed because his entire job was to respond to the consequences of accidents.
He hadn’t been harsh because he didn’t trust her. It was because heworriedabout her, like he clearly did everyone he worked with.
She had been so focused on her own issues that she hadn’t seen the reasons behind his actions.
There was only one way she could think of to tell him she was sorry.
“I’m tired of everything going wrong!” She’d never shouted so loud before; didn’t even know she could. And it was addictive, the release it brought, feeling the worst parts of herself scattering away on the wind like torn paper.
So she did it again. “I’m tired of feeling like a failure.”
Warren blinked in surprise, softening.
She wasn’t done yet. “It wasn’t supposed to be this hard!” Again. “I don’t know how to give my children everything they deserve!” She let out a sob and confessed, “I am so, so angry that he left me to do this alone!”
Finally empty of all those secrets, she deflated, sinking back into her body. With her words still ringing in her ears, theurge to apologise rose. She’d been too honest, shoutedtoomuch, and—
And she was pulled into him, suddenly, his arms wrapped tight around her, her head buried in his chest. Against her ear, his heart drummed an uneven rhythm that kept her grounded, kept her upright.
In the end, it was all that she’d needed: to be held, to be heard. And he must have known, because his lips found the crown of her head, and he didn’t let go. Not for a long time.
Not until she started to kiss him.
24
Warren was still trying to process what she’d said, trying to formulate the words to tell her how much better she and her kids deserved, but then she was all over him, tongue breaking the set of his lips.
He cradled her face, warring against her hunger with his own. His cock hardened in seconds as she pushed him backwards, away from the cliff edge. Submitting to whatever it was she wanted. Letting her take the lead, because he had a feeling she didn’t get the chance to very often.
A prickle of pain drew him out of his trance, and he looked down to find he’d landed in a carpet of stinging nettles growing over the other side of the fence. “Ow. Nettles.”
Eiley leaned against his chest. “Oh, god, sorry. I wasn’t even looking.”
