Page 67 of Fireworks
“Nothing!” Eiley stated defensively, wrinkling her nose. “Maybe.”
“Whatever it is, love, you can tell us.” Myra patted Eiley’s head from the garden chair she perched on, the mat too low and uncomfortable for her swollen knees. “You’ve been very quiet recently. What’s on your mind?”
“Is it Hercules?” Harper prodded. “Are you two still hate-fu—” When she realised her boyfriend’s mother was, in fact, still with them, she corrected herself: “Still fighting?”
“If I talk to you about something, can you all promise not to tell Fraser?”
Her eyes widened. “I can’t keep secrets from him, Eiley. We don’t do that.”
It was fair enough, but she wasn’t sure where it left her now. She didn’t need Fraser blowing all of this out of proportion. He’d always despised Finlay; since the break-up, he refused to so much as say his name. Since he’d been the one to suffer most from their father’s abandonment, and the one always there to pick up Eiley’s pieces, he might have hated him even more than Eiley.
He wouldn’t understand.
Mum took Eiley’s hand, skin cool and papery. “You’re worrying me, love. What’s gone on?”
“Okay. I’m going to cover my ears.” Harper did just that, singing out a, “La, la, la, not listening!”
“It’s Finlay,” Eiley admitted, and the “Las” stopped.
All three of them came out with colourful ways of describing her ex, and she shushed them, motioning sharply to the kids. She would not have Brook asking her what a “rotten wee C-U-Next-Tuesday” was.
“I thought you blocked his number ages ago,” Harper said, rearranging her pleated boho skirt as she crossed her legs.
“I did. Somebody must have told him about the bookshop, because he turned up a few days ago.”
More curses, all of them deserved.
“Hope you told him to fuck off,” Cam spat.
“Well, aye, but …”
She gave a withering groan. “Eiley.”
“He said he’s changed a lot. That he wants to be part of their lives again.”
“Heard that one before,” muttered Myra.
Eiley suddenly regretted even mentioning it. If she thought she could disappear for a weekend without them noticing, she might not have, but there was no lie that would sound plausible enough. She didn’t go away on her own with the kids, certainly not without months of planning, and certainly not when they usually spent Halloween trick-or-treating with Fraser. “Look, I wasn’t sure either, but I asked Brook and Sky if they would want to go and see his new house in Glasgow.”
“Blooming ’eck. Fraser’s going to hit the roof,” Harper whispered.
“Which is why you can’t tell him,” Eiley pleaded. “I know this is probably a really silly decision to make, but I don’t want my kids to grow up like we did without a dad! Knowing that somebody chose to leave you … it makes you feel like you’re not worth enough. They deserve better than that. I can’t not give him a chance to do better, right? People change all the time. Look how different Fraser’s been since you came into his life, Harp. He used to work himself to the bone, worrying about everyone else. Now, he’s actually enjoying his life, letting himself take breaks to be with you. And you, Cam! Before Sorcha, you never settled down with anyone. You were a commitment-phobe, and you held babies like they were rabid dogs!”
She glanced at all three of them, desperate for them to see that, just once, she was trying to do something brave and needed their support instead of their overprotective snipes.
“I will never, ever take Finlay back. We’ll never be together again.” If anything, Warren had taught her that so much more had been wrong in their relationship than she’d thought.Maybe that was all she’d needed; to know that she was supposed to enjoy intimacy, take as much as she gave. And for someone to look at her and really see what she needed, whether it was to talk, shout, scream off a bloody hill, or lose themselves in one another. Warren wasn’t her happily ever after, her romance hero, and she was still unbearably angry with him, but not enough to regret it anymore.
If a little twinkle of happiness was all she got, she’d rather have it than nothing at all. They’d both messed it up, yes, but she’d had moments with him she’d never experienced with anyone else, and she’d hold onto those as proof someone might not run from her and her baggage. Proof she could be put first. Find passion again.
She glanced over at her children, at their smiles and their kindness and their chaos as they fought over toys only to laugh about it a moment later. “This is only for them, and he knows that if he hurts them again, there won’t be a second or third chance. I just … I can’t spend my life wondering if I’ve stolen the chance to have a father from them.”
“Does Warren know about this?” Harper asked.
“The firefighter?” Mum frowned. “What’s he got to do with it?”
“They’ve been at it like bunnies,” Cam answered.
“Cam!” Eiley shoved her, sending her toppling off the mat.
