Page 70 of Fireworks
He sighed. “This isn’t going well, is it?”
“No, it isn’t.”
What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just let this all go? Why was he sacrificing his chance with someone like Blair, when he could just smile, nod, because Eiley wasn’t his problem, and certainly wasn’t his to defend?
“I assume this means you want a family, too.” Blair smoothed the napkin over her lap and sat back in her chair, hunched and defensive, with every right to be.
“Aye. I do.”
“Well then, I guess we were doomed from the start.”
That surprised him. “But you’re great with the kids.”
“Aye, I know, which is why I wouldn’t want any of my own. Kids are my job, and my vocation, but I like coming home from them at the end of the day. I like having time to take care ofmewhen I’ve spent my whole day focused on them.”
“That’s … That’s really fair.” But not at all what he wanted. He’d always imagined himself as a father, rebuilding the family he lost. He wanted to tell his kids about the grandparents they should have had, and what it was like to live on a farm as a wee bairn.
Hewantedto take care of them. Watch them grow. Raise children who knew, with absolute certainty, that they were loved, no matter what. Children who would never experience the loss he had. And yes, his work hours would make it hard, but he’d do it tired and stressed and grieving, because hewasa father. He felt it when he spoke to the school kids. Felt it even when he rescued that bloody cat of Mrs. George’s out of the loch.
And fuck, had he felt it with Brook and Sky.
“Should we just call it quits now?” Blair asked. There was no judgement there, no anger, which was more than he’d earned.
“I don’t see why we can’t eat our meals and get to know each other a bit more. Just because we might not fit romantically, it doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy our night, does it? As friends?”
She hesitated as though searching for some ulterior motive, but finally nodded. “The soup does look good,” she admitted. “So, want to tell me why you’re not wining and dining Eiley right now?”
No, he really, really did not.
But he told Blair anyway, because pushing it down clearly wasn’t working. And when Blair offered him a little sympathy, sharing her own history of bad relationships afterwards, he felt a wee bit less frayed around the edges. A wee bit more human.
He supposed it was a start.
31
Eiley wasn’t ready to brave the long drive yet, so they took the train down to Glasgow the following weekend, which, in hindsight, wasn’t much easier. Brook was hungry every five minutes and wanted something from the expensive trolley moving up and down the aisle. Eiley had packed the wrong colouring book for Sky, and his cries had drawn the attention of the surrounding passengers, one old man even tutting at him in disgust. To top it all off, Eiley had wrestled with Saffron’s buggy from Fort William to Tulloch because the folding mechanism had stopped working.
She regretted her choices very, very much.
Especially when they got off the train to find Finlay waiting for them by the station’s entrance. He sported a big, lopsided grin, extending his arms out to the children. None of them ran towards him.
“Hello, Brook!” Finlay greeted.
Eiley was tempted to turn around. Sky and Saffron had always been an afterthought, likely because he assumed that Brook needed less effort as the oldest child. When Brook shifted behind Eiley’s leg, he focused his attention on Sky, who clung onto the bars of Saffron’s pram.
“Hello, little man! Have you missed your daddy?” He ruffled Sky’s hair, and Sky quailed.
“Sky doesn’t like to be touched,” Brook explained, because apparently her six-year-old was more intelligent than the man in front of her.
“Oh. I thought he’d have grown out of that by now.” Finlay frowned at Eiley. “You’ve let his hair get a bit long, haven’t you? He looks like a girl.”
She gritted her teeth. “He likes it that way.”
“He’s three. He doesn’t know what he likes.”
A deep breath. “He’sfour, and I don’t think I can do this. Come on, lads.”
“No, no—” Finlay grabbed her quickly, forcing her to look at him. To stay. “You’ve only just got here. Please, give me a chance, aye? I’m just … I’m nervous, that’s all. We all are, aren’t we?”
