Page 63 of Rise of the Gods: Vardor's Destiny
"How...?" Vardor looked stricken, and my heart sank. "When? How long?"
"Last night," I whispered. I wasn't prepared to lose him yet. I didn't think I ever would. At some point during this journey, he had come to mean everything to me.
"Last night?" He ran his hand through his hair. "I don't understand, how do you know?"
I put my hand on my stomach and smiled. "I just do. When I left earlier and threw up. I just knew. Just like I know that I'm carrying your son." I had no idea how I knew any of this, but I did with the same certainty as I knew the big yellow blob in the sky was the sun. Perhaps Vardor's insanity was rubbing off on me, or perhaps I was beginning to accept everything he said. It didn't matter. There was a life growing inside me.
"My son," he stepped toward me and fell to his knees, making mine go weak. He pressed his lips to my stomach. "My son," he looked up at me with so much love and adoration, I faltered and joined him on the floor, embracing him.
"Are you happy?"
"Happy?" He laughed, "This is nothing I ever expected to be experiencing. Gods don't have children with other gods. They can have children with mortal women, they..." He stopped, looked at me in wonder. "They can have children with mortal women. Oh Vaelora, what have you done?"
He pulled me into his arms and held me like a drowning man. His heart beat so hard in his chest, I felt it.
"Vardor? You're scaring me." I tried to push myself away from him so I could see his face. When he reluctantly gave me enough room, I was surprised by the expression of sheer joy.
"Roweena, I love you. I love you more than anything in this world."
I wanted to ask,more than her? But I didn't. I didn't have the courage to do so. Deep down, I knew his answer, yesorno, would have devastated me, so I kept it locked up.
No man or god had ever lived who had been happier than me. As a man, I had been a warrior and not given a wife and children any thought, but as a god, I had many thousands of years to think and wonder what it would have been like to have a son or daughter—the one thing Vaelora could never give me.
She had seen how I sometimes looked at mortal children, had known I yearned for them. Several times, she had offered to bring me a fertile mortal to plant my seeds in her womb, but I had declined. The very thought of lying with someone else besides her had made me nauseous. And now, she’d given me the greatest gift she could have ever thought of. She must have truly forgiven me then...
I'll never forgive you, Vardor, but I will give you one more chance to prove yourself. One more! And if you fail, this entire world will pay the price for your failure.
Her words came back to me, haunted me. No, she hadn't forgiven me, and she never would. A goddess's wrath was for eternity. Why then was she granting me my greatest desire?
Think, Vardor, think like the commander you are. I wasn't at war with Vaelora, but she might be at war with me, I pondered. I needed to strategically think this through. As much as I didn't want to consider it, my son's very life might depend on it.
I didn't want to think like this. I loved Vaelora. For thousands of years, she had been my consort, my love, my all. She wasthe goddess of balance.Without emotions, I reminded myself.She is a good goddess because she does what needs to be donewithoutemotional attachment. She knows I would burn this world down for her, but she can't do the same for me, because she can't feel.
Unbidden, her words echoed in my mind.I'll never forgive you, Vardor, but I will give you one more chance to prove yourself. One more! And if you fail, this entire world will pay the price for your failure.
Was she ready to set the world aflame for me?
My mind was a jumble of chaos.
"I love you," I said as I lay in bed with her after we had just satiated each other. She was playing with my now flaccid cock, working her magic to revive it. The goddess was insatiable. One of the reasons I loved her so much.
"Don't," she said, looking up from her pastime.
"Don't what?" I pretended I didn't know. We'd had this conversation a million times, but this time felt different. Seriousness surrounded her like never before.
"You know what I mean. Don't say things to me that I cannot reciprocate," She explained.
"You could lie," I lifted my head from its bed between my folded arms.
"What's the sense in it if we both know I'm lying? I can't love."
It was the deep sadness in her eyes that made me sit up. "Vaelora?"
"It wrecks me some days, Vardor. It truly does. I know you love me. I can see it, feel it. But I can't reciprocate," she looked as close to tears as a goddess could get.
"Forgive me, Vaelora, I didn't mean to upset you."
"No, it's me. I'm the one who needs to ask your forgiveness. I never asked you if you wanted any of this. I just took you. Made you into a god. And I'm sorry for it."
