Page 19 of Monsters, Vows, and Growls
Looking at it from his perspective, I understood his decision. Did I agree with it? Absolutely not. But I also had the benefit of hindsight now. I knew Patrick didn't end up in a wheelchair. He moved forward, became an architect.
But what about me? I went to culinary school in the city and opened two, soon to be three, restaurants. I don’t know what the future would have looked like if we’d stayed together, but I knew for certain I wouldn't have gone to school in the city or opened restaurants. I probably would have gone to college wherever Patrick went and, maybe, gotten a pro forma degree, then we would have started a family.
I wasn't averse to the idea of being a stay-at-home mom; that had always been my dream before. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like the turn my life had taken. I loved havingbuiltsomething. And I could still have that white-picket-fence family. I still wanted it. The problem was that no man had ever measured up to Patrick Mc-fucking-Cloud, and no man ever would. So, if I wanted family, it would have to be with Patrick.
But the pain was still there, the hurt, the betrayal, no matter how much I understood his intentions.Hedidn't givemea choice. He made a choiceforme. Was I willing to give him the chance to do that to me again?
The phone rang, thankfully interrupting my deep musings. One look at the screen told me it was Carol. Just the person I needed.
"You don't know that he will leave you again," Carol said when I filled her in.
"I don’t know," I agreed, "but I didn't know it last time either. Had someone asked me, I would have told them I was certain he would never do anything to hurt me."
"Ella," Carol sounded exasperated.
"I know, I know," I waved my hand even though she couldn't see it, and started pacing my living room floor. "I'm willing to forgive. I am. I understand now. Well, at least better than before."
"But you're scared." Carol knew me.
"Yes. Scared to death."
"Look, there are no guarantees. No matter who you're with. Do you think, what's her face… thought she was dating a serial killer?"
"Oh, you mean Ted Bundy's girlfriend?"
"Yeah, her."
I tried to think, but her name eluded me. Until I realized that wasn't the issue. "Well, I'm not about to date a serialkiller. If anything, I'm about to date a serialheartbreaker."
"Haha, you're funny, Ella," Carol replied humorlessly.
"Alright." I huffed. "Fine, you win. I'll do it."
"Go on a date with him?" She clarified.
"Yes," I capitulated. She was right. I owed it to myself to give this a shot. I had tried the dating thing with other men, and it hadn't worked out. Now it was Patrick's turn to prove that he had changed.
"What's with you anyway? You're in a bad mood." I'd talked so much about myself that I had nearly neglected the fact thatshehad calledme.
"I ran into Gabe," her voice sounded resigned.
"Oh shit. Wait, how did youruninto Gabe?" It was football season. Gabe was supposed to be out there playing somewhere.
"I brought Henry some books, and he was there," Carol explained. Oh God, how Carol could bring her semi-erotic books to the man who was like a dad to her was as much a mystery to me as how he could read them. I shuddered. Not that I could write any of that stuff, or anything, but having my friends and family read it? Another shudder moved through me.
"Oh no, what did he do?" I focused on Gabe instead of the semi-erotic books Carol wrote. Ironically, they were sports romances. Many of them centered on star football players.
"What didn’t he do?" she groaned. "He was shirtless, for one."
My jaw dropped. “Why?”
“I don’t know, Ella. Maybe because gravity stopped applying to him and he justfloatedout of a sunbeam like a smug, six-foot-five Roman god? I think Henry had him moving furniture or something.”
“Oh, of course. Gabe McCloud, future Hall of Famer and part-time furniture mover.”
Carol ignored me. “He looked at me like I was the punchline to a joke he hadn’t finished telling.”
“What did you do?”
