Page 3 of When I Picture You
MOM:I can see you sitting in your car.
Renee’s head whipped up. Her mother was standing at the entrance to the Bottle Factory with her hands on her hips and her curls frizzing in the humidity.
Shit. Renee checked her red lipstick in the rearview mirror and got out of the car. She was wearing her black jumpsuit. It was her one outfit nice enough to warrant occasional dry cleaning, and it could be trusted to make her look (most importantly) hot and (a close second) too sophisticated for Fellows, Michigan. Then Renee slammed the door of her car directly onto the seat-belt buckle, making the door bounce open and knock her hard in the shin. Renee had driven thissame car all through high school and the buckle had gotten caught in the door even then, and she had never gotten used to it. Cursing herself, the car, the heat, and the trauma of human existence, Renee walked into the wedding.
***
Lola was having fun at her big sister’s wedding.
She was havingso much fun.
She’d had fun at the rehearsal dinner, despite being exhausted and having come straight from the plane. She’d smiled graciously whenever one of Josh’s family members said,This must be the famous little sister!She’d had fun at brunch that morning with her parents and Claudia. She’d done her best to make sure her mom was happy, not slipping into one of her moods. She’d had fun with Claudia and all eight bridesmaids, getting glam done by the professionals Lola had flown in, and posing for pictures in their matching pink robes. She’d ignored the voice in her head that wondered whether she should have taken her team’s recommendation to ask everyone to sign NDAs.
Now, she was having fun waiting in the bridal lounge while the guests arrived. By the mirror, Claudia and their mom were doing a final inspection of Claudia’s look. Lola hoped this was one of the times Mom’s attention felt welcome, and not like the prelude to disaster.
Hanging at the edge of the circle of bridesmaids, Lola timed her laugh perfectly as Claudia’s college roommate finished a story about a boozy brunch gone wrong.
Her phone, clutched in her hand, vibrated. She glanced at the screen, then forced herself to decline the call, although she wouldn’t have minded an excuse to step out of this room for a moment—even if it was to talk to her manager, Gloriana.
Lola hated that her nerves were so on edge. She’d been lookingforward to Claudia’s wedding since the moment Josh proposed. She truly liked Claudia’s friends. The core group had been close since high school, their relationship welcoming enough to encompass college roommates, new friends, Josh’s sister—though never quite Lola herself. That was hardly surprising, since she was never around. Even for the bachelorette in Tulum that Lola had arranged and paid for, she’d only been able to stay for one night.
It was the simple intimacy that wore on Lola. They had an ease with one another as they chatted about fiancés and boyfriends, a promotion, a funny story from spin class. It made Lola’s life feel so remote it barely existed, like she was nothing but a song on the radio or an image on a glossy magazine page. She felt either invisible or like the most obvious thing in the room. It was high school all over again: she was still the weird one, tolerated but not accepted, and certainly not understood.
Or maybe she was tense because when Claudia had gotten engaged, a year and a half ago, Lola hadn’t expected to be at this wedding alone. Instead, she’d just marked her own anniversary: one year since the worst breakup of her life.
Lola inhaled deeply and forced her smile wider. Her cheeks were starting to get sore.
Her phone vibrated again as the girls broke into peals of laughter at something Lola had missed, and she felt herself give way. Her phone in one hand, she maneuvered toward the door. She’d just step out and re-center herself while she called Gloriana back. But her path took her right by Claudia.
Claudia, lipstick-smudged tissue in hand, said, “Where are you going?”
“I need to make a quick call,” Lola answered lightly.
“Seriously?”
“Let your sister do her business!” Their mom snatched the tissue from Claudia, then said to Lola, “Go on, baby, take care of it.”
Donna Grigorian never had, and probably never would, stand in the way of Lola working. It wasn’t her permission Lola needed.
“I’ll besoquick, Claudia. Gloriana’s calling and it’s better that I talk to her now than later, right?” Lola was gripping her phone so hard, she wondered if it was possible for the screen to pop off. “I’m sorry. I asked for no calls today, but—”
“But she ignored you?” Claudia frowned. She had double the normal big sister’s allotment of protective instinct, to make up for what their mom lacked. Even after ten years, she didn’t quite trust Gloriana. “You let her push you around.”
“I do not,” Lola said, forcing herself to smile.
“Youdo. You say you’re standing up for yourself, then you cave and end up with that look on your face.”
“You meansmilingbecause I’mhappy?”
Claudia gave her a sisterly side-eye that communicated more judgment than the notoriously awful British tabloid industry. “Whatever. Go talk to her.”
“Thank you. And stop messing with your lipstick. It’s perfect.”
Claudia pouted at her. “Really?”
“Red carpet ready.” Lola pushed open the door. “I’ll be right back. I swear.”
In the empty hall, the jittery feeling remained. It wasn’t fair that Claudia could make Lola feel bad about working, when Claudia knew exactly how hard Lola had fought for her dream. That dream had bought a house for their parents, and for both sets of grandparents too. It had paid for almost the whole wedding, from Claudia’s custom wedding dress to the beautiful florals to the open bar with signature cocktails.
