Page 53 of When I Picture You
On some technical level, it wasn’t a lie. She hadn’t had a migraine, but her brain felt like it was on fire.
And now Renee was here, looking sexy as hell and tending to her, and Lola wanted nothing more than to crawl into her arms.
“Anything you need, just tell me,” Renee said.
Lola swallowed hard. She wondered what Renee would have done if Lola had let her take the lead during their night together after the wedding. At the time, she’d wanted Renee to remember that night like a reverie. With Ava, she had taken satisfaction in doing exactly what Ava liked, and what Ava liked most was being the center of attention.
Renee would be different; Lola was certain. She wished she’d allowed herself to discover exactly how.
“Let’s get you dressed,” Jason St. Jude said as the glam squad wrapped up.
Lola unfolded herself from the chair and followed her stylist into the bathroom.
“Isn’t she gorgeous?” Jason brushed a hand over the dress, setting the emerald silk shimmering. It had taken some legwork, and a whole lot of emails, to convince Gloriana and Veronika that she should wear the emerald halter, not the black cutout minidress they preferred. They’d caved when Lola suggested that the more provocative outfit could read as desperate once she and Nash broke up. Nash’s premiere was their final big appearance as a couple: these photos had to count. The emerald dress was more romantic, like she was trying to make the relationship work, not attract a new man. The narrative was a little misogynistic, but Gloriana and Veronika valued optics above all else. She was still a little embarrassed that, had Renee not spoken up about the dress, Lola wouldn’t have either.
Now, anticipation fluttered in Lola’s belly. She couldn’t wait to see what Renee would say when she saw it.
Jason helped her dress and made sure everything was secured, taped, and covered, then buckled her into the sky-high heels.
“Can you see if Renee’s ready?” Lola asked as he gave her a final check. “She wanted to film the reveal.”
Jason slipped out, and Lola heard him say, “Another Jason St. Jude masterpiece is complete!”
By force of habit, Lola faced the mirror and practiced her smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. It looked off. This dress didn’t belong to someone who would wear that smile. It was for someone a little more alluring, more withholding. Harder to please.
When Lola walked back into the room, Renee was ready with her camera. Lola posed like she would on the carpet. Twisting her shoulders to bring out the angles of her collarbones, pouting her lips, turning to highlight the open back.
“Yes, girl!” Jason cried, snapping his fingers amid theoohs of the glam squad.
Renee didn’t say anything at all. As the hairstylist gave her bangs a last adjustment, Lola asked, “So?”
Renee blinked at her, her gaze moving from the dress—Lola’s body—to her face and down again. “That’s the dress,” Renee said, her voice a little low, a little awed.
Lola’s whole body heated at the way Renee was looking at her—almost like she was imagining how the green silk would look falling from Lola’s body and pooling on the floor.
“Ready?” Cassidy said, clutching her phone. Her pale eyes flitted between them. Cassidy had witnessed the dress debate, had encouraged Lola to insist. That was probably why she looked so delighted.
THEY METNASHin the hotel’s parking garage and carefully loaded into the SUV, mindful of everyone’s easily creased red carpet attire. Renee took the back, Nash and Lola in the first row of seats.
Nash twisted around and stuck out his hand to Renee. “We haven’t officially met. I’m Nash. You’re the documentarian I’ve been hearing so much about from our girl here.”
“You can ignore him,” Lola said.
Nash rolled his eyes. “Cute dress, baby. Very Keira Knightley inAtonementof you.”
Lola rolled her eyes in return. “I know you hate it.”
“Sorry, what?” Renee said.
“Oh, it’s just not his taste,” Lola explained. “Nash likes shiny things.”
“That doesn’t give him the right to—” Renee began, but thankfully Nash tossed his head and talked right over her.
“I never understand why you don’t just cover yourself in crystals and rhinestones whenever you get the chance. If I were a girl, that’s what I’d do.”
Lola glanced at Renee. She’d only ever told Renee whysheneeded a PR boyfriend. Nash’s reason for a PR girlfriend was his to reveal—and Renee certainly hadn’t learned it when Nash showed up to her rehearsal in full hetero cosplay. But now, in the privacy of the SUV, he was being himself. Renee, never that good at hiding her feelings, wore her newfound realization on her face.
Lola said, “If you were a girl, you’d learn fast that rhinestones are crazy uncomfortable when you’re sitting in a movie theater for three hours.” She paused a beat. It was something Nash had mentioned before, what he would wear if he were a girl, not only on the red carpet, but to parties, to the beach, to brunch. Lola didn’t know what he meant by it—she wasn’t sure ifNashknew what he meant by it—so usually she let the comments slip by. But now, wearing the dress Renee had inspired her to fight for, she wondered if she shouldn’t take them more seriously. “Your stylist could put you in less masculine looks. More feminine, or androgynous. Tons of designers would love to dress you.”
