Page 154 of When I Picture You
She did, her green eyes gray in the dark.
Lola slid her hand down to rest against Renee’s breastbone. “Take a breath.”
Renee’s chest expanded against her hand.
“No matter what anyone says, this film is good, and you know it. It’s everything we set out to do. Right?”
“Right,” Renee said.
“I’m proud as hell of it. Are you?”
“Yeah,” she said.
“So if they don’t like it, fuck them,” Lola said.
“Lo!” Renee was still delighted whenever Lola swore, although she was doing it more often recently—specifically for that reaction. Behind them, the screen went black, and Lola pulled Renee down into a kiss. Her lips were insistent, forceful, and Renee leaned into her, needful of her reassurance. That kiss bore the weight of everything Lola didn’t have time to say—I love you, I’m proud of you, be brave—because the applause had started. Lola broke away as the lights came up, and whispered, “If you’re nervous, just remember, I’m going to fuck you so good tonight, you probably won’t remember this anyway.”
Renee gaped at her, disarmed. “The mouth on you now, Jesus.”
Lola grinned deviously at Renee, then took her girlfriend’s hand and led her out onto the stage.
***
As Renee stepped out before the massive audience, she searched the front rows for Kadijah and Zane, who were screaming their heads off, and for her mom and Dave, clapping like their lives depended on it. A few rows back, her dad was on his feet, but he wasn’t clapping. He was crying so hard his girlfriend was trying to force a tissue on him. The applause from up here was deafening.
Renee spotted Nash and his new “girlfriend,” Claudia and her husband, Josh—who were celebrating their anniversary that weekend—as well as Tatiana, Cassidy, Alejandro, and other members of the crew. Even Micah was there, and Dragan, who had accepted Renee’s invitation despite her no longer being his responsibility, and Zoe, from the foundation, with her partner and child. There were so many people there, so much star power, and they were cheering for them, for Renee and Lola.
Her stomach was starting to go, her palms getting clammy and her throat tight—but Lola was there, right there beside her. She gave Renee a steadying look and squeezed her hand hard, and said into the microphone, “I’m Lola Gray, as I think most of you know.”
In spite of everyone else in the theater, Renee didn’t want to take her eyes off her. Lola was radiant tonight, and not only from the spotlight. She’d been glowing all day. Being part of Lola’s happiness made Renee’s heart feel too big for her chest.
“I have the pleasure of introducing the director ofStarcrossed, Renee Feldman.”
Applause surged again as Lola turned and met Renee’s gaze. No matter what Lola had promised backstage, Renee was always going to remember exactly how Lola looked at her in that moment.
THE NIGHT WASa whirlwind. She and Lola both did press—a new experience for Renee, but she could see Lola from the corner of her eye, confident and poised, and tried to embody that. Then Renee joined her while she spoke with some prospective donors to the foundation, and a representative of the City of New York’s LGBTQ+ task force about a potential partnership.
The after-party was in full swing by the time they arrived. The plan had been to combine the premiere with the New York City launch for the Star Sign Foundation, which made for an epic party that Streamy had paid for. The donations were rolling in.
Renee spotted Dragan talking with Tatiana and Nash, whose date had wandered off. She could tell from Dragan’s body language that he was discoursing. Tatiana and Nash needed rescuing.
“Dragan was giving us some analysis of the movie,” Tatiana said in a tone of someone whose patience had been tested by academic pretension. “I loved it, by the way.”
“I cried, like, three times,” Nash said.
“Only three?” Renee said. Nash had already seen the film. Renee and Lola had given him a private screening to make sure he was okay with how he was represented, which was as Lola’s 100 percent heterosexual beard. He’d cried so much Renee had been concerned about dehydration.
“Renee, what you’ve achieved is very special,” Dragan said. “You’ve taken what could have been a trivial enterprise and found a way to elevate it.”
“Lola’s story was never trivial,” Tatiana said. “It was only a matter of time before she was ready to tell it.”
“You’re both right,” Renee said. “That’s why Lola and I say we made this film together. It couldn’t have happened without both of us.”
“Ugh, that is sosweet!” Nash sighed.
Behind him, Renee spotted Kadijah and Lola locked in a very intense hug. Kadijah, champagne flute in their claws, was apologizing for having shipped Lola and Ava. Renee excused herself to intervene.
“That’s so sweet of you, Kadijah, but you don’t need to do this every time we see each other,” Lola was saying as Renee swept in.
