Page 15 of Scarred Mountain Man
It's not Oliver. Another man is looking at me.
“I’m Aiden, the one who rented you this cabin. Just wanted to let you know I stacked some extra wood by the porch. Nights have been cold lately. I’ll get out of your way now. Hope you’re enjoying your stay.”
It seems to be hard for him to say these many words. I didn't mean to be so abrupt, especially when he was looking out for me. I feel bad about taking it out on him. I want to thank him for yesterday's dessert too but I'm afraid this will lead to a conversation I don't want to have.
"I am, thank you, nice meeting you."
He turns away, clearly not wanting to make small talk. I might have not made a great first impression. On my last day, I'll make sure to leave everything spotless so I know I’m welcome back one day.
The thought stops me. Come back? That wouldn't be a great idea. I might run into Oliver. I know I’ll never come back here, even if this place feels special.
I've just sat down in front of my easel when there's another knock. Aiden must have forgotten something.
This time, it's not Aiden. My bright smile, meant to override earlier’s bark, turns into a scowl.
"What are you doing here?"
"We need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about."
I try to close the door but he puts his foot in the way, not letting me.
"Please," he pleads.
Turning my back to him, I go towards the sofa, taking a seat. He does the same.
"Look. I'm not the best with words but I'm going to try to explain what was going through my head earlier. When you left, I understood something. You think I was ending this because you're not worth it. It's clear how you're not used to relying on anyone, you said it yourself you like to be alone. But I was not ending this because you're not worth it, it's the opposite.
You're too good for me. You deserve so much better Miranda, hearing you talk about the exhibition, about your new collection, it terrified me. How could I ever be the man you deserve? A man who doesn't know if he'll be able to withstand spending so much time in a gallery full of people? In a suit no less.
You deserve someone younger, someone who's not broken. That's what I was thinking. It was never about you not deserving it, it's about me not deserving a person as precious as you. But the thought of you with anyone else... it fucks me up so bad. I want to cage you and throw away the key, it's so messed up, Miranda. I want to be the person you rely on, I'd love to be the person you come back to when you don't want to be alone anymore. I want to be the first who gets to see your paintings.
But it feels so selfish, so selfish to tell you that, to ask of you something so bold. Because I don't know how, but I've fallen in love with you. There's no one else for me, I knew it the moment you showed up on my front porch, drenched. I wanted to come here and tell you that. I wanted you to know that you'reworth it, that there's someone who will do anything for you in the world."
"Who told you could make all these decisions for me?"
His eyes widen, shoulders stiffening like I’ve just struck him.
"What?"
"I want you too. I don't care if you think I deserve better or not. I want you," I point at him angrily. "Only you. I don't care about going on exhibitions with you. I don't care if you're older than me. Did you not hear me yesterday? You're the only man I've ever felt comfortable with.
Honestly, I think I was waiting for you to come into my life. I love you too, Oliver. I don't get it either but I think we're two broken people who make each other whole. So stop thinking I deserve better. I don't care. You're the one that I want, deserving or not. You were the one who said you were never going to leave me, and all it takes is a call from my gallery to make you step back."
His jaw works, his fists clenching at his sides. “You’re right. All of it. But…I need to hear it again. Do you love me?”
"I love you, Oliver. So much it hurts. I'm still so angry at you, so angry for throwing all of this away like it's nothing."
He moves closer to me, slowly wrapping his arms around me. “I know, I'm so sorry. Curse at me all you want. From now on, you make the calls, the only decision I’ll ever make is to keep you.”
"Good," I say against his chest, letting his warmth, and him saying I love you over and over again, wash away all the pain and tension I've accumulated in the past couple of hours.
Chapter 11 - Miranda
"Are you trying to make amends by cooking me delicious food?"
I peer over Oliver's shoulder, whatever he's cooking smells delicious. I ended up back at his place, first just for sandwiches at lunch, but then I stayed. We spent hours talking, sharing our insecurities and the baggage we both carry. He also gave me space to be with my paints for a little while. And now that I've come back, everything that has happened earlier is gone. I understand how afraid he was because I've been afraid too. Now, I'm ready to move on.
