Page 6 of Scarred Mountain Man
"You're mature for your age," he says after a while and ruffles my hair. I hate it. He's treating me like a child. I don't want him to see me as a child. Not when a flicker of hope lodged itself in my heart when he called me beautiful.
"I'm twenty-five."
"At your age, I wasn't this wise. I can tell you that. I'm almost forty and I don't think I’m as wise as you."
"Thank you for waking me up and talking with me. I'm feeling better now. Get some sleep, you had a stressful night. Don't let the old man keep you up."
"Good night." My words come out bitter because it's clear he's trying to distance himself from me. People have done it with me all my life, so I recognize it a mile away. I thought I'd have gotten used to it by now. Guess not.
Chapter 5 - Oliver
It's been a while since I've had a nightmare like yesterday's. It's always the same nightmare: it's raining like hell—much like yesterday—and I see him laying down on the dirt, lifeless, staring at me. It's always his eyes that do it for me: it's like they're blaming me for taking too long to get there. To protect him. To save him. And they’re right. I'd have been there if I had followed the orders I've been given. But no, I thought it'd be best to make sure the other guys were okay, the guys who were supposed to be in the most danger, and of course I wanted to be the fucking hero. It disgusts me. And because of that, my best friend is dead. Dead when we'd come back home the year after. Regret hits me once again. He didn't deserve that, and I don't deserve to be the one who lived.
I get off the couch, trying to get my mind off things. Actually, it's the first time I've slept after a nightmare like that. Usually I end up going outside otherwise I'm unable to breathe, claustrophobic, trapped by my own home and thoughts. Talking with Miranda soothed me. Even though I could've hurt her, she was kind. My nightmares are less violent now, but the thought of hurting her… that's why I need to keep my distance so I never get the chance to hurt her. I can tell she's already been through too much. She’s so young and already so distrustful of others. What I find so…unnerving, curious, wonderful is how there’s still so much sunshine left in her. Despite everything, she’s chosen tosee what’s beautiful in the world. Not letting it affect her or make her bitter like it has me.
Stupidly, I blurted out I thought she was beautiful, and she told me no one had ever told her that. How could she have spent her entire life without hearing it? When she's so fucking perfect? It made me see red. To think a woman like her never got taken care of. And it makes me want to be the one to take care of her.
You? Take care of her? Who the hell do you think you are?
I know. I'm no good for her. She's too perfect. Too young.
But I'd be lying if I said this woman didn't bring out the ugliest, most possessive parts of me. I don't want to care about deserving her. Or if she's the right age for me. I want her. Plain and simple.
It's dangerous.
I need to get her out of this cabin before I do something stupid.
I make a call, hoping there’s some kind of news about the power coming back.
It's still raining, but not as much as yesterday. Still no word on when it'll be fixed, big surprise there. Rain's lighter today, at least. I hang up when I see her. She looks even more beautiful with the morning light shining on her wavy black hair and her jeans hugging her curvy hips. And she's smiling. I got a glimpse of it last night, but it's something else when it's a full-on grin. What did I do to deserve to be greeted with such a smile? I don't deserve it. But I accept it, I take it in. I memorize it. I notice each crease formed around her eyes, her lips forming a big yet still shy smile.
“Mornin” she says. I ask myself if it'd be that bad to be a selfish bastard and never allow her to ever leave.
Yes, it is.
“Morning. The power company doesn't know when the power will be back.”
I point to the bread and the spreads, letting her know she can grab anything she wants.
“Is it okay if we've some meals together? I'll stay the rest of the day in my cabin.”
“No,” I reply quickly. She just presented an opportunity to be away from my home and I’m denying it.
“I told you, you could stay. You already brought everything with you.” I pause and then add, “it just makes sense.”
“But I need to paint! This was supposed to be my painting retreat. I’ve got a few pieces I have to work on.”
“You can paint here.”
She looks down, her cheeks flushed, too embarrassed for me not to get curious.
“Why don’t you want to paint here?”
“I work best alone. Without anyone looking over my shoulder,” she says with a defiant look in her eyes. I bite my lip so I don’t smile, I already love to see her riled up like this. Maybe it’s my favorite thing about her so far.
“Don’t worry. I won’t be here. You can paint in the bedroom, you’ll have more privacy there. I’ll just come back at lunch to cook for us and at night. You’ll have the cabin all to yourself.”
“I don't need power during the day. I'll just leave. My materials are all still there anyway.”
