Page 76 of Rock Out Together
As I got lost in his kiss, the moment passed. Now wasn’t the time to spill all my emotions and profess my love. Doing that would have to wait.
three
. . .
It wastime for us to talk.
Although I’d loved having Jason’s arm over my shoulders at the party—signaling that he wasmine, just as the song he’d sung to me—I wanted to be alone with him. There were so many things we hadn’t said but I couldn’t keep putting it off.
We rarely talked when he was driving, because he always played the music loudly. I didn’t mind. Soon, though, Jason pulled his car off Abriendo Avenue onto a side street next to a beautiful park. We’d been here once or twice so we could kiss in private, and I’d always cherish those memories. “Let’s walk,” he said, getting out on his side.
The air was still warm out as summer held onto its last few weeks, and I could smell the scent of cut grass, imagining they’d mowed earlier that day. He took my hand and led me between two large trees. At first, I thought we were headed toward the swing set, but he took me in the oppositedirection and we sat on a park bench. Even though there was a streetlamp not too far away, we were in shadows thanks to the leafy trees between the bench and the street.
The first thing he did was kiss me, and I got that jolt I always did when our tongues first touched. It was as if I was all but asleep as I went through life, but touching him woke me up.
But I had to know…we had less than a year before our lives would drastically change—and if I stayed in Colorado, could we make it work?
Did hewantto make it work as much as I did?
I needed answers.
But he spoke first. “What did you think of my singing debut?”
“You were so good, Jase. Are you thinking about doing it more?”
“Nah.” His hand squeezed mine as if underscoring his words. “I just…thought I could let you and the world know how I feel about you.”
“Hmm.” I leaned my head on his shoulder—because, even though it was dark, I thought it might be easier to say these things without gazing into each other’s eyes. “I guess I’m going to have to look up those lyrics.”
“Youcan, Al…but don’t go reading a lot into them.”
My head popped off his shoulder because now Ididwant to see his face. “What? Why?”
“Because they’re not my words. David Draiman wrote ‘em, not me. They’re good…and I wanted to send a message—but so much of that songisn’tme.”
“Then what did youwantto tell me?” In the dim light, I searched his eyes for answers. Stroking his cheek, I kept his eyes facing mine. Was I just a fling?
Or did he love me too?
“I just…wanted you to know how important you are to me.”
My heart deflated…and I pulled my hands back into my lap.
I wasimportantto him?
I could say the same thing, but I also cared about Emma and the way I looked. I cared about the grade I’d get on my English paper due next week. I cared about a lot of things—but what we had…should have been more than that.
Shouldn’t it?
“You’re important to me too, Jason. But that song said?—”
“Exactly that. I wanted you to know you mean something to me.”
“Okay, but…is that all?” I hesitated, deciding for a moment not to ask the hardest question of all. But wasn’t that why we were having this conversation now? Because I’d been afraid to ask? Letting out a slow breath, I forced the words out. “Is what we have…is it real? Or is it just real fornow?”
Jason let out a soft huff, but I couldn’t read his emotions. “You know how I feel about you, Al.”
No. I really didn’t—but I also didn’t want to fight. It was as if he was avoiding my question—and, even though we went to a nearby ice cream shop for a sundae before he dropped me off at home, even though the way we laughedand held hands and kissed, even though all those things said everything was okay…it wasn’t.
