Page 84 of Rock Out Together
Although the dull ache from losing my virginity might have kept me awake, it was the thoughts swirling in my brain that kept sleep from me well into the early morning, longpast Jason’s rolling over, unaware that I was still lying beside him.
But I couldn’t find any acceptable answer.
On Sunday afternoon, I’d finished almost all my homework in addition to the tasks that my college consultant had given me for the week. By the end of September, I would have submitted my application to Harvard—and my future would be all but set in stone.
I couldn’t talk to my parents about the turmoil I faced—because they would both say things they hadn’t expressed before. I knew they thought that Jason was out of my league and not the kind of boy they wanted me dating. If they’d had their choice, I’d remain unattached until long after I’d obtained all my degrees. But they’d settle for if I dated someone like Walker Adams—a boy from a wealthy, well-established family who’d have aspirations much like mine.
But my heart didn’t want any of that.
I picked up the red spiral notebook on the corner of my desk. This year in AP English, in addition to all the other work we had to do, Mr. Crawford had us writing a journal. At least four days a week for ten minutes a day, we were to write in these journals—which, for me, was a three-subject spiral notebook. He’d given us a dozen reasons why it would be good for us, but even I, one of the star pupils in line for valedictorian, found the exercise to be tedious.
More than that, I’d been writing about superficial topics,ones he’d given us if we felt stuck, because I didn’t want to share what I was truly feeling. But Mr. Crawford had said what we wrote would remain private. At first, I wondered if he was lying, because if a student talked about killing someone, wouldn’t he be obliged to report it?
But, as I looked at how my writing had already filled up ten pages, I realized this notebook would probably be full at the end of the year—and even though he said he’d review our journals once a month, I thought about that on a grand scale. All those students, some of whom had illegible handwriting—would Mr. Crawford really read all of their words? Or was he simply perusing each journal to make sure we were writing?
That was my guess, and I was going to take that chance…and, for the first time since Jason and I had grown serious, I wrote down all my feelings, all my thoughts and fears about our futures into that journal. I didn’t even worry about my parents reading it because I always had lots of papers, lots of notebooks, and this one would almost always be in my backpack.
The words flowed as if I were an inspired author writing her life story. Although I didn’t mention that I’d lost my virginity on Friday night, it could perhaps be inferred. But I didn’t care. It was as if I were dropping a heavy load as I let it all out.
I’d spoken to Emma about my dilemma more than once, but she’d always told me to just have fun, to “enjoy the present.” How many times had she said, “We can’t predict the future”? I’d often thought that was her way of shutting meup, but I saw now that that was the way she was livingherlife. Although Cameronlookedandactedlike a bad boy, he was nothing of the sort. He was planning to attend Stanford, his father’s alma mater, and Emma was looking at schools in California as well.
But she’d told me several times that she didn’t know if she and Cameron would last once they went to college—and she really didn’t care.
After pouring out my whole heart, I looked out the window of my second-story bedroom. Although the leaves on the trees in the front yard were still green, I knew they’d soon be turning yellow before dropping to the ground. Then, soon after that, my mom would put pumpkins all over the porch…and then we’d get our first snow. When my mind went over all that would happen during my last year at home, I realized just how fleeting my time left here was.
Still, I was torn. Just as I’d felt over the summer, I was almost an adult, and I was eager to claim that title, to graduate high school with a strong finish. How would Jason fit into my life after we threw our mortarboards into the air?
I looked back down at the lined page, half filled with all my hopes and fears, and I poised the black ballpoint pen on the next line. Pressing firmly, I wrote,I have no idea what the future looks like, and I have no clue how to keep what Jason and I have alive, but I have to try.Then, as an afterthought, I wrote,I have just one wish: that both my worlds would align so I can have everything I want.
When the leaves fell from our trees, would we wind upon the ground together or separated by wind and weather? Would our love die naturally or could we keep it alive?
That continued to be my dilemma long after I closed the notebook and placed it in my backpack. But, as I’d written, I resolved to do my best to try to hang onto what we had for as long as I possibly could.
Because, in my heart, I knew I would always love Jason Marconi, regardless of what happened in my future.
Always.
THE END
Allie and Jason will return in a second-chance romance in the upcoming Wishes Rock Star Romance series!
about jadec. jamison
Jade C. Jamison writes steamy contemporary romance that’s full of heat, heartbreak, and hard rock. Known for emotionally raw rockstar romances, sizzling billionaire stories, and unforgettable second chances, Jade delivers passionate stories with fierce heroines and brooding heroes.
When she's not writing, she's jamming to metal, sipping strong coffee, or spoiling her pets and family. Whether set in small-town Colorado or on tour with a band, her books take readers on an intense, romantic ride—one story at a time.
Learn more at jadecjamison.com or join her newsletter: https://www.subscribepage.com/JadeCJamison
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