Page 21 of Save Me
"I'm not saying all first responders are like that," I continue quickly. "But Nathan refused to get help. He refused to admit that the job was changing him, affecting our family. He said asking for help was a sign of weakness."
"Amy—"
“Let me finish." I push myself up so I can see his face. "I need you to understand that if we're going to do this—if we're going to have a real relationship—I need you to promise me something."
He nods, his expression serious. "Name it."
"Promise me you'll be honest about your feelings regarding your job. Promise me that if you need help—if the stress or the trauma or anything about being a firefighter starts affecting you—you'll ask for it immediately. You won't shut me out. You won't pretend everything is fine when it's not."
He's quiet for a long moment, processing my words. Then he reaches up to cup my face, his thumb brushing across my cheek.
"I promise," he says firmly. "Amy, I've seen what this job can do to relationships. I've watched good men lose everything because they were too proud or too scared to admit they were struggling. I would never let that happen to us."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I'm not about to lose you and Rosa too." His voice is thick with emotion. "I've been going to therapy for the pastyear, actually. After a particularly bad call where we lost a kid. I realized I couldn't carry that weight alone."
Relief floods through me. "Really?"
"Really. It's helped me process things better, manage the stress. I should have mentioned it sooner, but I don't tend to go into it just for the hell of it."
"I think it's wonderful," I say honestly. "It shows incredible strength."
He smiles then, that devastating smile that first caught my attention. "You're amazing, you know that?"
"I'm just a mom trying to protect her daughter and herself."
"You're so much more than that." He rolls us over so he's looking down at me. "You're brave and beautiful and kind. You're raising an incredible kid on your own. You make me want to be a better man."
My heart swells at his words. "Gunner..."
"I could fall for you easily, Amy."
"I could fall for you, too," I whisper, and his face breaks into a grin that lights up the entire room.
He kisses me then, soft and sweet and full of promise. When he pulls back, his expression is suddenly nervous.
"There's one more thing I need to ask you," he says.
"What?"
“I know this might seem fast, but I don't want to waste any more time. I don't want to pretend this is just casual when it's not." He takes a deep breath. "You're gonna be my girlfriend, right?"
I can't help but laugh at the formal way he asks, like we're teenagers again. "Are you serious right now?"
"Dead serious. I want everyone to know you're mine. I want to take you on proper dates and hold your hand in public and embarrass Rosa with how much I adore her mom."
"In that case," I say, wrapping my arms around his neck, "yes. Yes, I'll be your girlfriend."
"Rosa's going to have so many opinions about this," I warn him.
"Good thing I've been working on winning her over," he grins.
"She already adores you, you know. She wants you around all the time." I think about how many times she asks me throughout the day if we're going to see Gunner again.
"She's a smart kid. Get's it from her mom."
I shake my head at his shameless flattery, but I can't stop smiling. For the first time in years, I feel hopeful about the future. Not just surviving day to day, but actually looking forward to what comes next.
