Page 87 of Broken Play
"I benched him for not coming to practice." J.D.'s voice is stern.
"Well, yeah, there's that, but you did what you had to do. I have much bigger news."
Parker's omnipotent smile urges me on. I look at Sutton and interlace our hands. Every pair of eyes watches as each finger laces together. It's almost like slow motion.
"What? You're together?" Noelle covers her heart with her hands.
"We are. I met Sutton in Denver. We had no idea who the other person was. If you can believe it, Sutton knew nothing about football." That garners a few chuckles from my family. I don't look at J.D.... I'm scared of his reaction. He's told me repeatedly to stay away. "She's the only person I want to have my last kiss with. My last name."
"This is so romantic," Noelle practically sings.
Dad puts his fork down, finishes chewing his food, and puts in his two cents. "Sutton is your boss."
"I pursued her. And when everyone always worried about me not having a girlfriend in high school, Mom would say, 'You'll know when the right one comes along, and until that happens, don't waste your emotions on girls. We're hard to please.'"
J.D. shakes his head like he remembers the words Mom spoke to both of us, although J.D. did date a few girls. To show Dad how important Sutton is to me, I say, "I took Sutton to see Granny and the waterfall."
The air is suffocating—it's so quiet, like everyone is bracing for impact. Noelle is biting her lip. My younger siblings don't understand what that place means because I've never taken any of them there. It only belongs to me and Granny.
Dad catches my gaze and holds on to it. My tough-guy dad's eyes prick with tears. "You took her to the waterfall?" he asks in disbelief.
"I wanted her and Paulina to see it. I wanted to experience it through their eyes and bring happiness to that place again."
Dad's chair scrapes against the hardwood as he pushes back from the table. "Kids," he says, looking at our younger siblings. "Please go to the other room."
My voice breaks as I worry my siblings might find out just how fragile I felt. At the same time, part of me wants them to know the truth—to understand that life isn't always as effortless as it seems from the outside. "Dad, no. We're a family, and they should know."
"Does Sutton know?" he asks. There's a sharp edge to his voice, loaded with a lifetime of things I haven't dared to say aloud. I look at Dad, then J.D., and then Sutton.
My mouth feels as dry as a Texas tumbleweed. "No."
J.D. gives me a pitying smile when Dad lets out a slow breath and looks at Sutton. "We like you, Sutton." There's a softness to his words. "But we don't want to see Greyson hurt. Not after..." He trails off, unable to say that I tried to take my own life.
Tears cloud my vision. "We never talk about Mom and how losing her affected each of us." Witt pushes back, standing abruptly. "Witt, stay. It wasn't your fault. And God, I'm so sorry you didn't get to have her as a mom. She was so happy to be pregnant with you. When people say pregnancy gives a woman a glow, it's true—Mom beamed. She had us all talk to you while you were inside her. She called you her miracle baby. She said you made the family complete."
This isn't where I saw the conversation going, but the words keep tumbling out. "Nobody talks about how it felt to lose her. Not the tears we shed. After she died, I acted normal for a while, wanting to hide my pain, but then grief and depression enveloped me. After football, I'd go to the waterfall. Then J.D. left for college... and I felt... alone. I know I shouldn't have. I have all of you."
Sutton's thumb sweeps across my knuckles, and I swallow hard, doing my best to meet my siblings' eyes.
"I tried to take my life. Only Granny, J.D., and Dadknow about it. I cut my wrist with a stick I had whittled." I hold up my tattooed wrist as the feelings flood back.
How scared I was.
How blood soaked my car.
The shirt I tore trying to save myself.
How Granny cradled me in her arms.
How the doctor made a house call.
I hadn't intended to go into this tonight or ever, but it's better to get it out in the open, though I hate the looks of pity I'm getting. Nerves take over. My body trembles and shakes, and I suck in the waterfall of tears wanting to spill over the edge for almost fifteen years.
Tears stream down Sutton's and Noelle's faces. J.D. hangs his head. Parker says, "But... but you're... invincible." His words shatter on his tongue. Witt's jaw clenches, and tears well up in his eyes.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I close my eyes and swallow hard. "Parker, I wish I were invincible, but I'm not. What happened is all on me, not a result of anything anyone did to me. It's hard to explain... even now."
Dad purses his lips, pacing the floor. "I hate to say this, but what if it doesn't work out between you two? We can't lose you." Dad's not angry, just protective and afraid.
