Page 44 of Tower
He shrugs. “I dunno. Nothin’ serious, but it’s makin’ me take notice.” He pauses before he adds, “I know you been gettin’ out and about more, but maybe you should stay in till things settle again.”
I frown and lift my head. “Stay at base, you mean?” Ever since our trip to Kentucky, Levi’s been taking me on outings at least once a week so I’m not cooped up all the time. I’ve been loving it. Although I’m not all that happy about the outings temporarily ending, I’m not going to complain.
“Yeah. Stay at base. And maybe stay up here in the room when me and the guys are out on runs.”
At this, my whole body stiffens. “Stay in the room? No! Everyone else is fine going about their business here. Why am I the only one trapped in a room?”
He’s frowning now too. “So I don’t gotta worry ’bout you every minute. What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is I’ve been trapped in a room for years, and I was finally able to feel… feel freer. If Becca and Jen are fine moving around on base, then I should be fine too.”
“The thought of losing Becca and Jen don’t scare me shitless. It’s my job to take care of you, and I’m gonna do it no matter what. You gotta let me.” He means it. He’s scowling up at me as if he can’t believe I’m arguing.
I’m not sure why I am, but it feels important to me. Significant. “I do let you. I’ve never done anything stupid with my safety. You know that. But I’m not a princess to be locked in a tower, and I’m not going to live like one anymore. I’m not, Levi. I’ll be safe. I promise. But I’m not going to be imprisoned in this room.”
“Jesus Christ, girl, you’re not in prison.” He’s impatient, frustrated more than angry. He sits up on the side of the bed and reaches down for his jeans, standing up as he yanks them on.
“I’m just saying?—”
“I know what you’re sayin’. But it’s fuckin’ exhaustin’.”
For some reason, the gruffly muttered words stun me. Freeze me. I’ve raised myself up to my knees on the bed, and I remain poised like that, staring at him blankly.
He uses the time to pull on his shirt and stuff his feet into his shoes.
“What’s exhausting?” I finally manage to force out.
“Tryin’ to keep you safe in this goddamn shitty world. What did you think I meant?” He looks bad-tempered but genuinely confused as he stares at me over his shoulder.
The thing is, I actually understand what he’s saying and why he’s saying it. It’s perfectly understandable. The world has always battered people with its unending heartlessness. But ever since Impact, every single thing about it has gotten worse, has gotten harder, has gotten rawer and rougher and wilder and more ruthless.
And the more people you’re responsible for, the more difficult and exhausting it gets.
But Levi’s words hurt me anyway. They hurt me so much I lose my balance and sit hard on my folded legs. “I’m sorry to be such a burden on you,” I say in a stilted tone.
“Shit, Hailey, you know I didn’t mean that.” He makes a guttural, exasperated sound. “You comin’ to the river or not?”
“Not. I’m supposed to be locked up here in a tower like Rapunzel so I don’t make you more tired.”
Of course, I know my reaction is petty and not constructive. Naturally, I should be mature and practice healthy communication and not lash out just because I’ve been wounded.
But Ihavebeen wounded. And I’ve only just begun to process it. Plus, I can’t help but think if Levi can see how much I’m hurt, he’ll stop. He’ll soften. He’ll try to listen and understand me. He’ll stay here so we can work it out instead of visibly itching to get out the door.
It doesn’t work.
He lets out another frustrated groan and starts for the door.
“Levi,” I say as he starts lifting the security bars.
He pauses without turning around.
“You’re leaving?”
“You said you didn’t wanna go.” He opens the door.
“Levi,please.” The two words come out as a soft rasp.
He makes a rough sound in his throat, and for a moment I think he’ll turn around. Come back to me.
