Page 35 of Rules Of Engagement: St. Louis
“And then what? In three months, you’ll need more money for more medication. Or you’ll have a different crisis that requires my help.”
“This is different, Naomi. This is my life we’re talking about.”
“Your life has been in crisis for fifteen years. When we were together, it was always something. Always some emergency that required me to swoop in and save you.”
Gerald’s expression hardened. “I never asked you to save me.”
“You didn’t have to ask. You just made sure I knew that if I didn’t help, something terrible would happen. And I was stupid enough to believe that it was my responsibility to prevent that.”
“So you’re just going to let me die?”
A knot of guilt and anger tightening in my chest.
“You’re not going to die, Gerald. You’re going to figure out another way to get your medication, just like you’ve figured out every other problem in your life.”
“There is no other way!”
“There’s always another way. You just don’t want to do the work to find it.”
Gerald leaned back in the booth, studying me. Those eyes had once made me weak in the knees. Now they just made me tired.
“You’ve gotten hard, Naomi. Cold. Marriage to me really fucked you up, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, it did. Marriage to you taught me that men will say whatever they need to say to get what they want. And that loving someone who can’t love you back will destroy you if you let it.”
“I loved you.”
“You loved what I could do for you. You loved having someone to clean up your messes and pay your debts and make you feel like your poor choices were someone else’s fault.”
Gerald’s coffee cup rattled against the saucer as he set it down hard. “That’s a really harsh analysis.”
“Harsh?” I laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You want to talk about harsh? Harsh would have been me telling you to go fuck yourself when I had to bail you out for your reckless behavior. Harsh would have been me cheating back with your friend, a cousin, your daddy to get back at you. But instead, harsh was you cheating on me with three different women while I was working two jobs to pay your legal fees. Harsh was you dragging the divorce out for two years because you thought you could wear me down.”
“I was trying to save our marriage.”
“Oh shut the fuck up, Gerald.” His eyes widened. “Save that shit for someone who wants to hear it because that is no longer me.”
Silence covered our table. Around us, the coffee shop hummed with morning conversation from people making plans, sharing gossip, and living their uncomplicated lives.
When Gerald spoke, his voice was quiet. “So that’s it?”
I reached into my purse and pulled out my checkbook, writing quickly before I could change my mind. Three thousand dollars. Enough to cover his medication for three months, just like he’d asked.
“This is the last time I bail you out, Gerald.”
I tore out the check and slid it across the table. Gerald’s hand closed over it immediately, like he was afraid I might change my mind.
“Thank you, baby. I mean, Naomi. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. This isn’t kindness. This is me buying my peace of mind, so I never have to see you again.”
Gerald pocketed the check, then looked at me with his brows dipped. “You really hate me, don’t you?”
As much as I wanted to say yes, that was clearly a lie or I’d just let natural selection run its course. “Get yourself together. Don’t fuck this up because the next time I see you I’m filing charges for harassment.”
I stood up, pushed the chair against the table and sighed. “Find a way to take care of yourself that doesn’t involve me.”
“Naomi, wait.”
