Page 26 of Collision of Winters
“I’m not going anywhere, Kayden.”
Right.
That’d never been the problem, though. Even when he’d been in and out of deployments and studying to become the man he was today, he’d never made me feel abandoned.
I knew abandonment.
I also knew what it was like to have family telling you you’d never be anything.
The Winters family would never go that far, or even a tiny step in that direction, but I guessed I was still scared shitless about stray thoughts heading that way. It would crush me toknow Dad, Wade…all of them, even for a moment, pitied me or agreed that I was useless.
Say it and get it over with. At least you’ll know.
Oh God, I almost threw up right then and there.
My mouth watered, and I wiped a hand over my clammy forehead.
In my accidental glance Wade’s way, the evident concern in his eyes put pressure on me, and I lost the fight. I wasn’t gonna be able to keep my mouth sh?—
“I tried the Army route,” I croaked. Yup, there we go, blurting shit out. “I didn’t quit like I told everyone. I failed.” My heart went from beating rapidly to pounding furiously, and my breathing picked up. “I barely got through the obstacle course, and then the field training exercises fucked me completely.”
Now you know.
I gathered the courage to look Wade in the eye, and I wasn’t too surprised to see him deep in thought. Brow furrowed, gaze flicking a bit.
“For the record, that fucking obstacle course doesn’t build confidence at all,” I said.
Some called it the confidence course, and I called bullshit.
Eventually, Wade cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, resting an ankle across his knee, and he scrubbed a hand over his jaw.
“It never made sense to me that you didn’t care,” he said slowly, maybe still processing. “I suspect Quinlan let things go so quickly because he wanted you to have the space to find your passion, but…” He shook his head. “Chris once told me you thrived at the shooting range?—”
“Thrived is a strong word,” I interjected. “It was fun, but I’m decent at best.”
“You belong in the armed forces, is my point,” he urged. “You say you need structure, you love logistics, you’re organized, and youwantedto pass BCT.”
“But I didn’t,” I pointed out. “I failed big-time. Never mind the guys finishing last—I couldn’t complete the field training exercises atall.”
He seemed so dismissive of that. “The Army isn’t for everyone, Kayden. You have options. I just wish you would’ve told us. We could’ve helped you years ago.”
He didn’t fucking get it.
“When are people gonna understand that the only things that can make me feel good about myself are my own accomplishments?” I grated out. “I don’t want you to fix shit for me, Wade. I don’t want Dad to pull strings and hold my hand either. I wanna land my own job and hold on to it. It seems to work for everyone except me.”
I clenched my jaw and took a calming breath.
Wade tilted his head. “You may as well add the whole damn family to that list. Who do you think hired Quin?”
That was different. I knew Hillcroft had been started by their uncle Arthur and a friend of his, but Dad had been a skilled soldier.
“Your uncle did,” I stated. “Based on Dad’scredentials.”
“And his name,” Wade shot back. “He wanted his son to take over the business, just like TJ did for Terrance. But we can move on. How do you think Chris got his job there? He wasn’t a trained soldier at the time.”
“He had a degree in forensic science,” I replied.
He shook his head. “That came later. Chris has essentially been running around at Hillcroft since he was seventeen.Onlybecause of who he was related to. You need a badge to get access to the cafeteria, for chrissakes. Being a Winters helped him get more than a foot in the door, and the rest was on him. Hebecame an incredible operator through years of studies and in-house training.”
