Page 26 of Secrets That Bind Us
Dean is marching toward me. I turn so I can run away. He grips my arm and shoves me flush against the lockers. I groan.
“Really, Verity?” he growls.
“What?” I hope he doesn’t hear the tremor in my voice. I stare at his chest– unwilling to lock eyes with him– because we’re so close, I can feel his body heat radiating like a million suns, burning me. Making me melt for him. If I look up…
“Look at me.”
I do, and God help me. His cerulean gaze is hot, piercing through me, and God, I want him to kiss me. I want him to take me, and claim me, andloveme. But loving Dean Carson feels like getting pricked by the same thorns when you grab the stem of the rarest rose. It feels like being caught in the middle of a rain-wrapped tornado – no storm shelter in sight. Loving Dean Carson feels like being burned alive… and asking for extra kindling.
Unfortunately, I’m the gasoline.
The freckles across his nose have faded, and when he leans into me, I swear he sniffs my hair. “You chastised me for riding a bike, and now you’re dating some guy with one?”
Oh, I want to laugh. “I never cared that you had a bike, Dean. I cared what you did with it, you idiot. And I was right. You crashed. You could have died. You don’t think I saw how it dragged you fifty feet?”
“Oh, that’s right. I’m an idiot, I’malwaysthe idiot. Always the fuck-up, huh? Not good enough for you, huh?”
I shake my head, wincing when his hold on me tightens, but I can see it in his eyes, he’s hurting just as bad as I am. “I’mthe one that’s not good enough foryou. I’m not your speed, Dean. Malorie, Tiffany, Stephanie, Brittany,” His eyes widen. “Yeah, I know all about them. They’re more your speed. They’re like you. They want the fast life. The parties. I... I read books.I like to hang out at the café and sip on tea. You know? No alcohol. No drugs. I’m just me. And just me isn’t enough for you. I know that now.”
He doesn’t let go of me. His fingers burn through every layer of my skin, but not like fire. Like ice. Glacial, like his eyes. “So, what, just because you found out I fucked them-“
I hold in the flinch. I hadn’tknownthatpart. But thisisDean Carson. I should’ve done us both the favor and just assumed.
He scoffs, but tugs at one of my curls and lets it go, only to grab it again, twirling it around his finger. “One summer in New York really changed you, huh? Comin’ here with your little dresses, makeup, flaunting yourself and you think what? Me and you are over?”
“Dean, yousleptwith them.” I groan.
“And you didn’t fuck that asshole?” He sneers but he dips his face closer to me. “Did you give him what’s mine, baby? Huh?”
I stare at him, long and hard, hoping it’s a glare. And then… I shrug and shake my head. His hold on me loosens but he doesn’t step away, still towering over me. I should be intimidated, but I’m not. He’s not my father, and I know he’d never hurt me. Not physically, anyway. “Doesn’t matter anymore does it? You made sure to embarrass me not just in front of my friends that night, but the whole school, and then some. And this summer, you made sure Zoey saw you. Made sure everyone knewDean. Carson. gets. pussy.” I mock, tilting my head with each word, hoping he feels the hurt– the vitriol– hears the disgust with each one.
“You were gone!” he growls. “Not to mention,youbroke up with me!”
I shake my head. “The second you brought up my mama, who was nothing but kind to you, it was over. You think I don’t know what’s said around this town about us? About me? The rumors? Not just about my dad but the rest of them? I’m not an idiot, Dean.” It was hearing them come out of his mouth that hurt.
“No, just me, huh, Verity?”
“Sweetheart?”
The sound of Jacob’s voice is a fucking life-preserver in the stormy sea I’m drowning in. “Coming…baby.” I coo, still looking into the abyss that is Dean Carson. If only he knew how every text message, every blurry picture Zoey sent with her RAZR– of Dean and some girl on his lap at a bonfire every single Friday night– had made me want to vomit. How many tears I cried into Jacob’s expensive T-Shirts– he’d know how much this burns me alive. Because a part of me willalwayslove Dean. The good, the bad, the ugly. When he fucks up, when he gets it right– Ineverwanted to change him. I just didn’t want him to die before we got to write our love story.
Now, we’ll never get that chance, because he chose to hurt me. Publicly.And I still feel the shame like the afterburn of a slap to the face. I love Dean Carson more than there are stars, but Zoey’s right–I gotta love me just a little more than I love him.I have to let him go no matter how much it hurts and no matter how much I don’t want to. I have to let my blue-eyed, raven haired beautiful boy go… otherwiseIwon’t. I’ll stay here in Adelaide and allow myself to be beautifully destroyed by him.
I bend to grab my backpack, still keeping my eyes on Dean, watching through my periphery as Jacob steps toward us and shoves out one hand.
“Jacob Miller.”
Dean stares at it like it’s diseased, so Jacob reaches for my backpack in my hand instead and then drapes his free arm over my shoulders.He tucks me into his side and plants a kiss on my temple. “We gotta go, babe. You ready?”
I nod once, ready to get away from his heavy presence that surrounds me like a dense, dark fog.
We’re halfway to his town when he pulls over onto a shoulder, far into it, and cuts off the engine. “You okay?”
I sniff, but I don’t cry. The tears are there, but I don’t let them fall. It’s just an ache in my chest, my shoulders– like a weight. I hold him tighter, my front against his back. “No.”
He pats my hand and rubs it. “Y’all ain’t over. I’ve never seen tension like that between two people and let me tell you, I couldfeelit. I had a boner the whole time.”
I burst into laughter.
