Page 23 of Secrets That Bind Us
But it’s too late. I already am. I shove my head in my helmet and swing my leg over my bike, switching on the ignition. I rev my engine, anger still coursing through me as the grid girls – Tiffany and some other chick I don’t know – step right onto the lane. I keep my focus where it needs to be: between the yellow strips of paint. When the flags go down, my tires burn, that familiar squeal sounds loud and clear, and then I’m off.
Adrenaline courses through me as I reach the first curve, the guy beside me – known to everyone as fuckingSpyder– gains speed as we reach the hill. But I got this. I go into neutral for three seconds, letting him think he’s beating me, and then into fifth, redlining as I pass him at one-twenty.
I slow, pass the second curve, leaning my body down so close to the ground, the pad on my knee sparks against the asphalt, down the hill at one-forty, and round the last curve to go back to the finish line.
I almost don’t see it.
With my visor on and my speed, I almost don’t see the fucking deer jump into the road. The crowd watching screams a muffled scream. I throw my gear into neutral, and when I brake, I turn, my handles wobble, and then I’m fuckingsliding. I don’t let go of my handles, so I’m dragged. The deer runs off. My stomach drops, the last image in my head is of the crushed look on Verity’s face when I was spouting bullshit.
No, no, no, no!
I watch Spyder win my fifty thousand dollars – because he’s going to the next round. And I just fucked everything up with Verity fornothing.It may as well been my heart that was dragged through the asphalt.
I stand, a quarter mile away, swallowing, pulse dropping, a ringing in my ears, watching the taillights of Zoey’s Jeep as it weaves through the open crowd. My angel in it. I’ve limped halfway to Will when someone screams - “Cops!”
After spending a night in jail so my dad can ‘teach me a lesson,’ I’m not in school on Monday or Tuesday since my road rash is mild. It’s fine. I’ve had worse.
Verity avoids me like the plague for the rest of the week by being surrounded by her friends and staying after class to talk to teachers. I can’teven find her in the library at lunch. When I go to her house, Mama Marie just says Verity isn’t feeling good and I should go home for a week straight. There’s a look in Mama Marie’s eyes that feels like disappointment. I don’t want to go home. I want to come inside and study. And have dinner around an actual table – like a family. I want to discuss my day, and school, and football strategy. I want…
When I climb up the side of the porch using the trellis and try to climb in through her window, it’slocked. The blinds are down, and the curtains are closed.
I finally catch her alone the following Monday morning, waiting by her locker. She pales when she sees me. Micah steps out of nowhere and gets in my way. I reach around him, grab her by the wrist, yanking her, and when she gasps, I let go. “Fuck, Verity, baby, I’m sorry.”
She clutches her hand and stares at the ground.
C’mon baby, look at me.
She lifts her sorrowful gaze up to mine and shakes her head slowly with a tired blink. “I don’t want to talk, Dean. I think you said everything you needed to and I’m… I get it, okay? Thank you forhelpingme.” But it looks like she has so much more to say. I know she does. She’s gnawing on the inside of her bottom lip.
She doesn’t.
‘Cause I’m not worth her words.
She walks away while Micah guards her, arms over his chest, fuckingsmirking.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
He chuckles darkly. “Nothin’. I fucking knew you were bound to fuck up sooner or later. Just had to wait my turn.”
“You’re wrong, Micah. She’s mine. Always been mine. You’re nothing but a fucking place holder.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong, Dean. I’ve been playing the long game. Sure, she sees me as just a friendnow. But in a few weeks? When she’s not heartbroken anymore, guess who she’s gonna turn to? Herfriends. She’ll realize I treat her better than you ever could. I’d never disrespect or humiliate her like that.”
“Wrong again, Micah. Because she’llneverlove you like she loves me. Not then, not now, not ever. Me and her are end game. Just wait and see. You’ll never be good enough for her.Ever.” I laugh when his face drops. “You’re nothing but a mediocre piece of shit. Always have been, always will be, and she’ll see it. And when she does?” I shrug, “I’ll be right here waiting.Cause I’m not gonna give up. I’ll give her space.” I look at her waiting at the end of the hallway for Micah’s bitch ass. “For now.”
I plan to find a way to talk to her.
Except she’s never alone. She’s always with someone – or if she sees me coming – she goes the other way and finds someone to walk with. If we share a class, she still sits beside me, and I stare at her. She squirms under my gaze and turns a lovely shade of pink. She doesn’t come to my games anymore, not even when I take the team to the playoffs. It hurts, but that’s fine.
After the winter holiday break, Mrs. Bryant calls her to stay after class, and I stay just outside the threshold, listening in. “Your story made it into that magazine I told you about.”
“Oh, that’s great. Did Dean’s?”
“Yes, but, the praise you’ve gotten from the editor of the magazine – she emailed me to tell you they host a Creative Writing summer camp in New York. It’s a thousand dollars for eight weeks. That covers your plane ticket to and from, food, shelter, and the program. You’d be staying by the NYU campus, have a counselor there to guide you throughout New York – not just the tourist attractions. You’ll go to Salem, Boston – you’ll be going to other places, touring other college campuses.”
“Mrs. B, I don’t think I could do that. My momneedsme here. She- what if she- my dad-“ My baby stumbles over her words, trying to find an excuse.
“Look, I’m sorry. I know I’m crossing a line here, but I think your mother would want better for you all summer long than to find her in certain situations, Verity. I really believe your mother wants a better life for you – and sometimes that means having to do what’s best for you – even if it means having to be selfish every once in a while. There is a whole other world outside of this farming town just waiting for you to explore it.”
