Page 45 of Secrets That Bind Us
“Holy shit. Verity. Fuck. I love you.” He pulls away, tucking himself back in, and helps me up. When he goes to kiss me I pull away, but he holds me tighter and kisses me anyway. “You’re fucking incredible.”
“Thank you,” I rasp.
“Was that… your first time?”
I nod, wishing I had some water.
He kisses my temple and chuckles. “I wish I didn’t have to play tonight. I need a nap. I think you sucked my soul out. Jesus.” He takes my hand, his eyes searching mine. “Are you okay? I wasn’t too rough in the end?”
“No, I liked it. You taste… good.”
He grins wickedly but then kisses me again and again– until I’m a hot, needy mess– and finally tips his forehead to mine, rubbing his thumb along my jaw. “Let me come over tonight?”
“Meet me in the barn. I’ll sneak out.” I whisper.
Getting a loft in a barn ready to lose the rest of your virginity is weird… and exciting. I asked Zoey to stop by the drugstore for condoms, just in case I don’t chicken out. Afterwards, I went home and cleaned and swept the loft, brought out extra blankets and pillows, and a few candles. Then, I showered, shaved, and plucked every stray hair I could find. I wasn’t going to be Dean’s first, and I’m not as thin or perfect as Tiffany Myers, so I want to be beautiful in my own way. I also can’t think about all the girls hehasbeen with because then my heart kinda cracks a bit.
Fuck, what am I doing?
I sit on the edge of my bed in a towel, looking at the easy-access sundress I found at the local thrift shop I hung outside of my closet door, and pull my knees up to my chest and stare at the wall.
I can’t think about it.
I want him to be my first. I want to experience this life with him. Even if it’s momentarily. I want everything Dean has to offer because I want to give him all that and more. I want to wear his nana’s ring, get married inthe church, have his children– Savannah and Noah– but I also want out of Adelaide.
I can do this.
Get the experience I crave and leave.
I have to leave.
Right?
I lay down on my bed, my spine sinking into the mattress, the low sound of thunder rumbling in the distance. I close my eyes for just a second, listening to the drops of rain pinging against my window, thinking of Dean. His hands. His eyes. Lips. Teeth. Fading freckles. Remembering the boy that would yank on my ponytail, win races for me… to now being on his knees for me, both to pleasure and to plead for me…
“I can read books...”
Thinking about leaving him behind makes me feel like I’m dying on the inside. It’s not him I’m leaving behind. It’s Adelaide. I steady my breath, slowing it. Imagining a life without him is impossible.I want all the things he wants. Savannah. Noah. His nana’s ring on my finger.
I jolt quickly, the sound of thunder crashing, the sky outside of my window is dark, and through it I see a soft glow in the loft of the barn. Shit. I left the candles on. I throw my dress on. Barefoot, I sneak downstairs, past Daddy passed out on the sofa, Mama probably in bed. I grab my shoes by the door, and run out into the stinging rain, heart racing.
The door to the barn slams shut behind me, and I race up the ladder to find him there, waiting for me, sitting with his back against the wall on the bed of blankets I made for us. Shirt and shoes off, silver chain glistening in the glow of the candles, wicked smile on his face. “I tried to call you.”
“I fell asleep.” I whisper.
He rises and strides to me, and when he cups my face, I’m suddenly all too aware that I am shivering. From getting drenched in the rain, the heat of his hands, or the need in his eyes, I’m not sure. What I am sure of isthis. Him. Of the forever that’s ours. He kisses my temple as his hands go to the straps of my dress that’s clinging to me. His motions are deliberate, but I can feel his hands slightly trembling against me, and knowing he’s just as nervous as I am, soothes me.
Because itishis first time.
With me.
This is us.
The realization of that hits me like a freight train, and suddenly I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. My dress falls to theground, and I’m completely naked, having forgone any undergarments in my haste to turn off the candles.
He sucks in a breath. “You are so beautiful, Verity.” His fingertips trail my skin, from my clavicle to the sides of my breasts, thumbing my nipples before they continue down– to the dip in my waist, to the flare of my hips, leaving goosebumps in their wake– my insides coiling, alert and needy. “Perfect for me.”
I stretch my hand out needing to touch him, and he grips my wrists.
