Page 51 of Secrets That Bind Us
“I’mhere.” She states roughly. I flinch and she goes back to soothing me because I still can't bring myself to look at her. I just watch dust particles dance in the sunlight and listen to the buzzing of a saw cutting into wood that’s going to be used for the children's loft area. “I’m here andI’mstill your family.I’mhere and I love you.I’mhere and I want you here with me because I need you here. Dean is here. You’re alone up there, Verity. Every time I saw you, yeah, you had more and more money, but you were alone. Even married you were alone. If I had known Micah was gonna be such a shit I would’ve said something at the courthouse when you eloped. But I thought, ‘He’s loved her just as long as Dean has. They’re having a baby together. Maybe it’ll be okay.’”
“Noah isn’t Micah’s.” I blurt my truth in a whimpered whisper and then, “I think.”
See? I’m a terrible person and an even shittier friend. I can’t look at her. My stomach is hurting so bad. I move my hands to wrap them around my middle and rock back and forth. This must be what it feels like when guilt eats you alive.
Her hand stops rubbing my back and Zoey pulls it away. Seeming to take in theverypublic space we’re in. At least some things have changed. She takes a step back and asks Will if she can borrow a few of his guys for twentyminutes to load up the coffee samples into my SUV. Once we’re inside and in private with the AC blowing on high she glances at me from behind the steering wheel because I’m spent from my episode and still shaking. “Spill.”
I don’t want to. But I need to get this off my chest. I’ve been holding it in for so long, I feel like one day I’ll spontaneously combust. Maybe that’s happening right now and I just don’t know what the symptoms are to look for it. “Remember your second engagement party?”
“The costume party?” She asks, stopping at the stop sign.
I dip my chin. “There was a man there. Micah and I had just had this huge fight. I had called off our engagement and kicked him out. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to spoil your day. So, I flew down here, and we went to the venue in the hotel, and…” I slide my fingers under my glasses and pinch the bridge of my nose, hiding my face. “I just wanted tofeelsomething, Zo. I wanted to know what it was like to go wild.Just once.” I fix my glasses with a sigh, looking out of the window as we pass by Noah’s school. “When I got back to New Haven, we worked things out two weeks later… then I found out I was pregnant with Noah six weeks later.”
“Did Micah know there was a chance Noah wasn’t his?”
I nod. “I told him as soon as I found out I was pregnant. But he kept insisting we get married. I don’t know why.”
“Oh, cut the shit, Vee. You know exactly why! It’s just you and me in here so you don’t have to hide it. You don’t have to behumble and kindhere just because he’s dead. That fucker would’ve run you dry if he had full access to your bank accounts and you know it.”
She’s right. I do know it. And that’s embarrassing in itself. God, I’ve made so many mistakes in this life.
“Verity… I just… I can’t believe you never told me.” The betrayal is evident in her voice, along with disbelief and anger. And I deserve that.
“I was embarrassed.” I whisper, staring out the window, my stomach doing that weird feeling I’m sure means I’m going to puke later. I shouldn’t have had that second cup of coffee this morning. “The first thing he asked was if it was Dean’s.” I scoff. “When I told him it was impossible, that Dean hadn’t gone to the party,that’swhen he pushed for us to get married before I started showing. Said we'd deal with it if it turned out not to be his. He just wanted me to finally be his wife. I’m not ashamed of Noah. I want you to understand that. I love my son with my whole heart, no matter who the father is. He's mine. I was just embarrassed that my first one night stand ended up getting me pregnant. I was twenty-four! And we used protection!”
Zoey stops at a stop sign and turns left, heading toward the direction of the storage unit. Smart. I hadn’t even thought of that. “Look, I love LittleMan, and neveroncedid I ever think you didn’t. But you have to know, Dean was very much at the party.”
I deadpan. “No he wasn’t.”
She nods looking through the windshield, not at me. “His name is in the guest book. He signed in. He was at brunch the next morning, asking about you. Could Dean be Noah’s daddy?”
I shrug. “I didn’t see him, so I don’t think so. It was my first andonlyone night stand, Zo. We… you know… kept the masks on.”
She stays quiet for a moment, rolling her lips inward. “Well… was it at least good?” she smirks, turning into the parking lot.
Leave it to her to ask for the important details.
“Incredible.” I groan and shove my face in my hands and break out a few huffs of a shy laugh. “You know that raunchy hotel scene I wrote in Twisted Arrows?”
She nods, eyes widening and then she gasps, parking the SUV only to face me. “SHUT THE FUCK UP! Oh my god! You’re a dirty fucking girl, Verity Huntington! Youbeggedfor it?”
Blushing, I put my hand to my forehead and nod.
Blue-green eyes look me up and down, Chesire-cat grin plastered on her heart-shaped face. “Damn. Honestly? Hell yeah. I’m feeling all sorts of proud of you, right now, you little slut. No wonder you got knocked up.”She puts her hand over her heart, starting to breathe heavily and moans dramatically, “Oh yeah,pleaseMr. Masked Man,pleasefuck me.”
I sink down in my seat and let out a mortified groan.
And then we burst into a fit of giggles.
“I’m never telling you anything ever again.”
She smiles evilly. “What’s funny to me is you’ve never had to use toys to get off with Dean but you practically had an arsenal at your disposal to get off with Micah.”
Another small fib of mine I told her so she’d think I at least had a semblance of a sex life.
We each grab a dolly from the girl at the counter and load up the samples from my trunk to the unit I’m renting. I stay to grab a few more of Mama’s old vinyl records, so I can put them away now that I have a bit more space in my study. I mindlessly grab the box, following Zoey back out and put it in the backseat so I don’t forget to take it out.
When we get back to the work-zoned bookstore with orange cones and flags all around it, she puts the gear inparkand looks at me. “Go home. Drink a few mugs of that expensive white wine, kick back, take a nap. You need it. I’ll pick up the kiddos and make Evan bring us dinner.”
