Page 137 of Make Me Trust Again
“Things will work out, one way or another. But if he doesn’t get his head straight, we can always plot to get rid of him. There was this serial killer book I read recently, and there are some really good ideas in there. You should check it out.”
A strangled laugh pops out of me. “You never cease to amaze me.”
“What can I say?” Rebecca grins and winks at me. “I have many talents.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHASE
“How have you been doing, Chase?”
I lift my shoulders in a shrug, my muscles feeling tense. “Good.”
Dr. Quinn lifts his brow in a challenge. “I think the circles under your eyes would beg to differ. Or did you recently get into a fight?”
“I kind of wish it was a fight,” I mutter, running my hand over my face.
The snapshots from my nightmares play in my mind, the past and the present mixing together in a tight knot to the point that some days I don’t know what’s real and what’s not until the very last moment. Until I seeher,and then the terror I have never felt paralyzes me, making me wake up in a cold sweat.
Even thinking about it now makes my heart race and sweat coats my palms.
“Chase?”
I blink, my fingers squeezing around the handles of the chair. I force myself to loosen my hold and look up to find Dr. Quinn’s serious dark eyes watching me intently across the desk. “Yeah?”
“I asked if you’re having trouble sleeping again?”
“I—” I suck in a long breath. “Yeah.”
Dr. Quinn nods slowly. “The anniversary is just around the corner, so I can’t say I’m surprised. It’s bound to bring up memories.” He taps his pen against his notebook. Every so often, I see him scribble something down, but I try not to think too much about it. “Have you tried taking any of the medications?”
I shake my head immediately. “I hate that shit. Makes me feel sluggish.”
I tried taking some of the medication in the beginning, hoping it would make me feel better, but no matter what we tried, nothing seemed to help with the nightmares, and it only made my depression worse in those early days. Then again, the alcohol probably didn’t help either. Now I’m steering clear of it all.
“You need sleep, Chase.”
“I know, it’s just…” I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling the tiredness looming. “A lot’s been going on.”
Dr. Quinn tilts his head to the side. “A lot?”
Dammit, I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.
I work my jaw as I try to come up with something to say. My leg’s bouncing, the walls of the room feeling like they’re closing in on me. Placing my hands on the armrest, I push to my feet, a jab of pain goes through my leg as I walk around the chair and make my way to the window overlooking the busy Austin streets.
“The nightmares, they’re not just about what happened back then.”
“What are they about then?” Dr. Quinn asks, his voice sounding distant.
“I mean, they are about what happened, but at the same time, they aren’t. Not really.”
It’s all your fault.
I push down the knot that’s formed in my throat, my voice coming out tight. “It’s always the same, I’m back in the desert, there is an explosion, my whole squad is dead, Lucas is bleeding all over me. I’m trying to save him, get him help, but it’s useless. I’m useless. But when I fall, it’s not Lucas I’m carrying. It’s her. She’s there, bleeding in my arms, her lifeless eyes staring at me. I can’t save her, just like I couldn’t save any of them.”
The memory of Rose’s cold skin and empty eyes staring up at me sends an icy shiver down my spine.
Another quirk of the brow. “She?”
